Thursday, May 31, 2007

DC would have less crime if we had more cops like her

Yesterday crossing the street by RFK before the Nats game. A woman is trying to drive over the crowd crossing the street, and a female MPD officer is yelling at her.

Policewoman (to driver): You have to wait until I say you can drive through here! You can’t be driving and using your cell phone! GET OFF YOUR CELL PHONE!!

Random dude in crowd: Shoot her!

Policewoman (to random dude): I should shoot you IN THE FOOT!

(Crowd laughs)

Ugh . . . on multiple levels.

20-something chick whining: "Mom, Dad's on top of me. Get him off."

--Portrait Gallery

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Ah, placenta jokes

"I feel like eight pounds of afterbirth"
--Dr Dremo's

The Todd would be proud.

Teenage tourist, after riding up and down the escalator several times (while standing on the left): "Escalators are fun! High five!"

-L'Enfant Plaza


Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Oh man! Iraq got statehood before DC?

Overheard in adult ESL class, where they're learning about civics:

Student 1 (reading a flash card): What is the newest state added to the United States?
Student 2: Alaska?
Student 3: The island state?
Student 4: Iraq!

Friday, May 25, 2007

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Teenage tourist on cell phone: "So, yeah, basically we spent all day going to the monuments. It was nothing like on '24' but still, y'know, pretty cool."

-Old Ebbitt


Thursday, May 24, 2007

Well where do you suggest I store my keys then?

Guy to girl: I mean, I don't stick things up my ass.
--King St in Old Town

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

A hobbit is better than a wookie though, right?

Girl 1: She's pretty unattractive.
Girl 2: Um, she looks like a hobbit!
Girl 1: Maybe she just photographs badly.

--Foggy Bottom

Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to touch boobs...

[Hot waitress brings bottle of Bacardi to a table with a huge sparkler on it, raised over her head]

Guy: "Wow, she's like the Statue of Liberty, but with nicer tits!"

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Look, just because you ran out of cellphone minutes...

Group of middle school kids standing by metro

Girl: So basically Thomas Edison was a dick . . .

--L'Enfant Plaza

I've got Brownback (10) upsetting McCain (1) in the 3rd round.

Talking about last week's debate among 10 Republican candidates for President:

Guy: "They should set up these debates tournament style. Lose a debate and you're out, ya know?"

Girl: "Yeah, I should get my bracket ready."


Monday, May 21, 2007

May all our lives include hunger strikes and assassination by Hindu nationalists

Girl, talking to guy in line at Trader Joe’s about a movie she had recently tried to watch:

Girl: And the main guy was that cheezeball actor… what’s his name?

Guy: Oh, Ben Kingsley?

Girl: Yeah, and I only watched the first third. I figured Ghandi had a pretty good life after that anyhow.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Yeah, that's the kind of woman I want to spend the rest of my life with

Two young women sitting on a bench at lunchtime, having a discussion.

One says to the other "So, I guess I'll quit telling him 'Stop being stupid and marry me!. It doesn't seem to be working."

Lifestyles of the meteorogically challenged

Guy: Hey, is it raining out?
Woman: No. I mean, if you go outside, YOU'LL think it's raining, but its not. I mean, there's water coming from the - um - it's not raining like I'm used to.


After you're done marinating, throw yourself on the grill.

Guy on cell: "Nah, man...I dunno...I'm still marinatin' on it...lemme marinate and let you know, k?"

--Urban Outfitters, Chinatown

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Could it be? An eavesdrop within an eavesdrop?

Sent in this afternoon:

Here's a conversation I heard on a corner in downtown D.C., not far from my office - they looked like two youngish professionals
Girl 1: Wait, wait, we should totally eavesdrop and submit something funny!
Girl 2: We could listen at the bar ...
Girl 1: ... or those might be tourists!

- Pause as the girls listen to the "tourists" -

Girl 2: (disappointedly) Aww...but they're not speaking English! How are we going to submit that?

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Gay like what?

Person 1: "Wait, so he's gay? Like, he likes guys?"
Person 2 (sarcastically): "No, he's gay like he likes rainbows. And interior decorating."

-Overheard in line at Starbucks, DC 'burbs

Anyone have any good Falwell eavesdrops?

We'd love to "honor" him. Send stuff in!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

You didn't know that Che was an eskimo?

On AA flight to Dallas-Ft. Worth:

Dumb blonde pointing out the window at an Alaskan Airlines jet: Oh look-- you can fly here from Cuba! You could never do that in DC.

Guy friend: What are you talking about? You can't fly here from Cuba.

Dumb blonde: Yes, you can-- look over there. That's a Cuban airliner!

Guy friend: Um, no it's not.

Dumb blonde: Then why is there a picture of Che Guevara on it, Mr. Smartypants?


Monday, May 14, 2007

LaRouche, LaRouche, LaRouche is on fire...

The LaRouche crazies seem to come out when the weather warms up. On that day they were shouting about Al Gore, and an ornery old man indignantly asks who they are with. When he hears LaRouche he yells, “LaRouche?? I HATE the French!”

--19th and I


Friday, May 11, 2007

Our favorite game - crazy or bluetooth!

Bike messenger on handsfree (or to himself):

I'm gonna ride that clock like a pony.

-K St.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

I'm a fiscal Sagittarius but lean Capricorn on social issues

Guy: That's a cool necklace. What is it?
Girl: Oh, it's Lady Liberty. I'm a libertarian.
Guy: Oh cool. I'm a virgo.

-university of maryland college park

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

C'mon - there's got to be more in those shopping carts besides food and crack

"A computer?! If you're homeless, a computer is the least of your worries. There are more important things you would need, like food and crack."


The Ted Kennedy Memorial would have a bridge, not a waterfall.

Tourist #1: The Ted Kennedy Memorial should be around here somewhere.
Tourist #2: What?
Tourist #1: You know, it's supposed to have waterfalls and stuff.
Tourist #2: I think you mean the Teddy Roosevelt Memorial.
Tourist #1: Wait, then who is Ted Kennedy? I know I've heard that name before.
Tourist #2: That's because he was a president in like the 50s or something.

-Tidal Basin


This doesn't look like study hall...

Here's one from a high school kid who was on White House lawn today, seeing the Queen's arrival ceremony:

"Where are we? No, we're not at the White House -- seriously, we are? Where is it?"

He was spinning around looking for the White House too. How he got through security and everything without knowing where he was is beyond me.


Monday, May 07, 2007

Some of us had better weekends than others

Two college students are walking up 23rd Street from the Mall.

Male to Female: "It was really one hell of a weekend. First, when I
was really drunk Thursday night, I went home with a guy and was
mistaken for a prostitute. Then I found out on Sunday at brunch that
my sister was offered a job at a titty bar."

Female slaps Male on arm: "WHAT? You really need to stop drinking so

Horsey sauce is a delicacy

Guy to his friends as they walk down the street in Eastern Market:
"That's a really good French restaurant over there. It was one of my top three meals of 2006. And it was a very close call."
"No. 4 was Arby's."

Friday, May 04, 2007

It's circular logic, but logic nonetheless

Gay Guy 1: I wish I were a lesbian....
Gay Guy 2: You don't like vaginas.
Gay Guy 1: Well I would if I were a lesbian....

-- Jack's, 17th Street

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Leon Harris makes Wayne Brady look like Malcolm X

After Leon Harris does a sensationalized promo for ABC 7 News stating that Crystal City may not be all that safe for women:

Girl: Wait, why are people scared of Crystal City?
Guy: Cause Leon's out there stabbing women. Oooh I'm gonna gut you, Maureen! Is Leon Harris gonna have to choke a bitch?


Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Us too! But to be entirely honest, we like most boobs

(A suit stares, then smiles at a girl wearing a shirt that reads "kcuf recnac")

Girl: "Yeah I like my boobs too."



Ready? O.K.! Ready? Okay!

Girl 1: "Wait, so what does o.k. stand for?"

Girl 2: "What do you mean, 'stands for okay'"?

Girl 1: "No, yeah ,I know, but what does it stand i.e. stands for 'for example'"

....a few minutes later.....

Girl 2: "It stands for okay! O-K-A-Y, like its its own word..."



Tuesday, May 01, 2007

I had to find sanctuary in a place where I could gather my thoughts and regain my strength...

Tween #1: "So we'll go shopping?"

Tween #2: "No, no,'s not like a mall like what you think. It's the Mall, like the definition of a mall is an open area of grass and stuff...and it has monuments and museums. That's this Mall."

Tween #1, mouth agape: "You mean we're NOT going to go shopping?!"

--Orange Line Metro between MacPherson Square and Farragut West

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If you haven't seen it yet, go to and watch the trailer for "The Tripper."

Hippie rambling: "Can someone, like, ask a question that will help me explain what I just said?"


Hippie: "I get most of my raw materials from the garbage. It's amazing what you can find."
Little girl: "Garbage is useful!"
Hippie: "...and sometimes, you can find food there."

--Artomatic in Crystal City (man, this must be a good show since we've already gotten 2 eavesdrops from it)