Eavesdrop DC

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2010-02-23T14:39:00.001-05:00

We're still finalizing our site maintenance and updates, but be sure to go to http://eavesdropdc.com/ for our new posts.

Site maintenance

2010-02-18T22:50:00.002-05:00

We're doing some work on the site (migrating it from blogger to a hosted account - we're so fancy) so www.eavesdropdc.com might not work intermittently for the next few days. eavesdropdc.blogspot.com shouldn't be affected. It's all in the interest of progress (and it isn't like we post over the weekend anyway).

And on the 4th day, God created giant slices of pizza

2010-02-18T12:33:00.000-05:00

Guy: They're doing God's work here.

--Jumbo Slice in Adams Morgan, 3:30pm on Valentine's Day. Yes, PM.

If only your boobs came w/honey mustard dipping sauce

2010-02-17T09:48:00.002-05:00

"I'm a big fan of your cleavage. But I'm a bigger fan of chicken fingers."

--overheard at Froggy Bottom

This could get ugly!

2010-02-16T10:52:00.000-05:00

I was waiting on the Blue and Orange line platform. One of the subway preachers starts yelling his version of the gospel, and a girl in the distance audibly laughs.

The girl next to me, who is apparently full of Christ's love, says: "That bitch better quit laughin', shut up, and listen!"

That's right, you'd better love Jesus, bitch.

Tales from the Snowpocalypse...

2010-02-12T10:42:00.000-05:00

Two sorority girls on H street at GW

Girl 1: Yeah...but that shower was NASTY

Girl 2: well you had sex in that shower like 3 times so that probably contributed

Girl 1: Yeah...

Girl 2: Whatever. I'm glad you had sex in that shower. You showed those bitches.

Yes We Can

2010-02-10T09:08:00.001-05:00

"I'm so glad we can finally come to DC without getting arrested at the White House."

-A very preppy looking girl on the Mall

I heart DC . . . bars.

2010-02-09T09:43:00.002-05:00

Orange line between Foggy Bottom and Rosslyn:

Fratty Guy #1: I've spent a week here, and all I can really say I've seen is the White House.
Fratty Guy #2: Good bars here.
Fratty Guy #1: Yeah, great bars in this city.

A sign our criminal justice system works

2010-02-05T11:01:00.000-05:00

I was walking up 14th street between U & V and there were a bunch of guys standing around - one guy said, "Man, I have way too many felonies to fuck with that guy!"

Alright, see ya at home honey

2010-02-04T10:02:00.000-05:00

Overheard at George Mason in Fairfax:

There was a bald guy walking around in the student union, talking on his cell phone.

"I'm not sure how I feel about you giving hand jobs to the guys you work with..."

I will parallelogram your rhombus!

2010-02-03T10:06:00.001-05:00

"Stop being so uppity about geometry!"
--Outside Foggy Bottom Metro

Were you at Cornell with Andy Bernard?

2010-02-02T09:47:00.000-05:00

After a very loud argument between a couple and the female getting off the metro ...

Nosy Girl- "I understand where you're at. I was jobless for six months, and I went to Cornell!"
Sad Guy - "Yeah, it has been rough."
Nosy Girl - "Seriously, I mean, I went to Cornell! An Ivy League school. You know it's bad if I can't get a job right away."

--Orange Line Metro

I believe you mean illusionists.

2010-02-01T10:04:00.000-05:00

Early-40's Dude #1: I'm not like that anymore. I've matured.
Early-40's Dude #2: Really? Show me. Do something mature.
Early-40's Dude #1: It doesn't work like that.
Early-40's Dude #2: You know, magicians and psychics tell me the same thing.

-Loudoun County Connector bus

I call shenanigans.

2010-01-26T10:17:00.001-05:00

Crossing the street in front of Gelman library, 20 year old guy to his friend:
"Yeah, then I finally found my lap top...in the dumpster...covered in semen. So that's pretty much how that went."

End of the story: he was beaten to death with a prosthetic leg.

2010-01-25T10:18:00.001-05:00

Waiting for the elevator doors to close inside Union Station metro -

Guy (as he jumps into elevator): "hurry up and close the doors before any wheelchairs come in!"

(chuckles to himself and looks around to see if anyone is in agreement - we're not.)

Door closes.

Guy again: "Whew! That was close...I mean jeez, they already get free parking."

She needs her own boyfriend, you mean.

2010-01-22T12:20:00.000-05:00

In a restaurant bathroom in Penn Quarter:

Girl 1: I don't know, I just think she's depressed and she needs a boyfriend or something.
Girl 2: Well I mean she keeps f***ing your boyfriend, so I guess she needs a guy.
Girl 1: Yeah, I guess that's why she and I aren't on really good terms right now.

I'm hoping for some Potbelly's ads on the site...

2010-01-21T10:09:00.002-05:00

Overheard on Capitol Hill: "Oh, that crazy blind guy is crossing the street. What a train wreck. Well, a car wreck, but still....

You heard it here first - suck it, TMZ

2010-01-20T10:01:00.000-05:00

A woman walks into the cafe with her two- or three-year-old son and points to a magazine with Obama's picture on the cover.

"Do you know who that is, sweetie?"

The little boy looks at the picture for a minute, then back at Mom: "DADDY!"

Mom looks around to make sure no one heard - oops!

-- Tyson's Corner Barnes & Noble

Wait, Is Bette Midler Haitian?

2010-01-19T10:24:00.002-05:00

In Shirlington:

"I talked to Ben and he's in for Bette Midler....that reminds me, I gotta send some money to Haiti. That shit is baaaaad."

On a serious note, you can donate money to help the people affected in Haiti at www.redcross.org

But he makes me feel safe

2010-01-15T12:19:00.000-05:00

On the red line, near Brookland:

Woman on phone: What on earth made you want to fuck the night watchman? Honestly, you make the worst judgment calls.

Duh. It was totally Freddie Prinze Jr.

2010-01-14T14:05:00.001-05:00

Group talking about Dawson's Creek. After 10 minutes of conversation:

Guy: Yeah, so Dawson was Rachel Leigh Cook right?

Sorry!

2010-01-14T13:59:00.003-05:00

Sorry about the lack of 2010 posts so far. The holidays came and went and then your editors spent some time eavesdropping in sunny LA. Here's one of our favorites (heard on Venice Beach):

Cashier: Yeah I'd say that bacon makes everything better. I try to give it up, but then I think, being addicted to bacon is way better than being addicted to crack.

Our humblest apologies. Keep sending those eavesdrops in and we'll work to get them online for the world to see!

Begging for exact change in Jesus name

2009-12-30T11:54:00.001-05:00

Over heard on the corner of North Capitol and First St. NE

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Background: Two people standing on the corner one appears to be a man and one a woman. As you get closer you realize from the voices they are both women. They both are shady characters. The woman that looks like a man starts talking to this guy who is trying to hail a cab.

Woman that looks like a man: Hello sir

Guy: Hello

Woman who looks like a man: Do you have, I mean Merry Christmas

Guy: Merry Christmas to you too

Woman who looks like a man: Well do you happen to have 73 cents

Guy: No I do not

Woman who looks like a man: Well, will you pray for us anyway

Skins fans and Dan Snyder: It's Complicated

2009-12-22T16:34:00.001-05:00

"Dan Snyder, one day I will see you on the street and I will stab you with a rusty shank. You will die in my arms. I hate you Dan Snyder."

--screaming fan in the upper deck at Monday night's Skins/Giants game

Jerry Springer can usually help sort that out.

2009-12-15T12:51:00.001-05:00

Woman on cell phone: "No, she's not pushing him for child support yet 'cause she doesn't know who the baby's father is."
-17th & Corcoran Streets NW

I also have a bailout on my Christmas list

2009-12-14T13:04:00.001-05:00

Overheard on a train in the DC Metro on Saturday Night (12/12/09):

Two guys in Santa outfits talking to each other:

"Where are we going to say we're from when the north pole melts?"
"I dunno... Queens or something"

A few minutes later:

Random bystander: "Why are you taking the subway?"
One of the Santas: "Santa didn't get any TARP money and his reindeer
were repossessed"

It's a hard knock life

2009-12-11T13:03:00.000-05:00

In line at a DC grocery store, 2 pm on a weekend.

customer #1 (older femaler): "yeah, he just got like 12 years, but I told him we'd make it, just like last time."

customer #2 (younger female): "I know, its like i told my boyfriend when he went away for 5, 'i'll be waiting when you get out.' That's what good women do."

He he he. Balls are funny.

2009-12-10T12:13:00.001-05:00

Sunday at Lucky Strike in Chinatown - 3 girls sitting at one of the bar tables which holds bowling balls underneath. A guy walks up and says, "Do you mind if I look at your balls?"

I miss the hippo too

2009-12-07T10:34:00.001-05:00

Young boy at the zoo: This is the worst day of my life.

Technically, you are an idiot.

2009-12-03T09:48:00.000-05:00

Overheard In Murphy's in Old Town Alexandria

Early 20's tourist to bartender: "Is it legal to smoke in this bar?"

"Yeah, you can smoke in here. It's legal"

"So wait are we in D.C. or Washington?"

"Welllll, technically they are the same, but we aren't in either one."

Don't you mean Le Rugrats en Paris?

2009-11-25T12:05:00.000-05:00

Overheard on the Metro Red Line:

Guy 1: Oui!

Guy 2: What is that?

Guy 1: It's French.

Guy 2: Are you sure?

Guy 1: Yeah! I totally learned that shit from the Rugrats in Paris movie!

Damn those trick questions.

2009-11-20T09:26:00.001-05:00

Northern Virginia:

Guy #1: So, you didn't get the job?
Guy #2: No, but now the CIA thinks I have sex with goats.

I bet it's the ones that sparkle.

2009-11-19T11:50:00.001-05:00

Overheard on a neighboring table in a Chili's in Crystal City...

Girl: "But are there gay vampires?"

Guy: "Sure. Probably about one in ten."

I 100% agree with this.

2009-11-16T16:25:00.002-05:00

An intense office conversation at the headquarters of a national intelligence agency, on popular culture:
"Elmo is the Jar-Jar Binks of Sesame Street."

Whatever, Richard

2009-11-13T10:58:00.002-05:00

Intern to group of interns: I had a teacher who called me a schmuck once. I didn't know what it meant, so I looked it up and went up to her and said, did you know that you just called me a penis?

-- McPherson Square

Yes and I'm on the value menu!

2009-11-06T13:55:00.001-05:00

On the Metro Halloween night.

Girl dressed as a crayon fanning herself sees at a guy dressed as a Taco Bell Fire sauce packet and noticed that both of their costumes were made of the same material. She looks at him and asked, "excuse me, but are you hot?"

Redskins and blueballs

2009-10-28T10:37:00.000-04:00

Setting: FedEx Field, 11:15-30ish PM, roughly 3 minutes remaining in the Redskins - Eagles Game. The Redskins have the ball and look like they may score.

Redskins Fan: "YEEEEEAAAAAAA! Let's go Redskins, they're like the horny drunk at the end of the night! Just take whatever you can get!"

And then the Skins fumble and the Eagles recover it.

You stay classy, State Department

2009-10-27T11:55:00.000-04:00

In the men's room at the State Department:

Man in stall, sitting on toilet, talking on cell phone:

"My friends and I are all about projecting an image as high class intellectuals, you know, like philosophers...."

End of statement obscured by the sound of a toilet flushing.

Trains are soooo cool.

2009-10-20T11:27:00.001-04:00

A gaggle of girls in their late teens are leaving Union Station, one says to the other: See I told you it wasn't an airport!

Krispy Kreme Marketing Scheme

2009-10-09T10:27:00.000-04:00

Man selling Krispy Kremes outside of Gallery Place/Chinatown Metro this morning:

"$5! Krispy Kreme donuts - 12 for $5! Share them with the ones you love! Share them with the ones you hate! $5"

T9's parents - not married!

2009-10-07T16:20:00.001-04:00

18th and Columbia NW:

Man: This makes me so angry! Predictive text won't let me write 'bastard.'

Woman: Yeah, it's like the people who invented it didn't want anybody to swear.

Is the tea hot hot hot? Or is it cold...

2009-10-06T10:08:00.000-04:00

Outside the Starbucks at Gelman Library on the GW Campus:

"I've never had hot green tea before... I don't recommend it."

There's no way they were talking about a US Senator...

2009-10-02T14:34:00.000-04:00

Outside Clyde's on M Street:

"Well, thank you, Mr. Senator! Y'all actually got shit done! I'm glad I voted for your white ass!"

Get that guy a record deal

2009-09-30T13:13:00.000-04:00

Rosslyn, near the corner of Wilson Blvd outside of a Starbucks:

Homeless man singing at the top of his lungs to the tune of Kings of Leon "Use Somebody" ...

Man: "You knowww that I could use some monneyyyyyyyy!!!"

My, how U Street has changed?

2009-09-23T10:21:00.001-04:00

Woman in her 30’s walking her pint size mini-dog while chatting on her cell phone to a friend. They were making plans for the evening, to attend a party.

Woman asked her friend, “Would I be overdressed in patent leather heels and tights?”

--1300 Block of U Street, north side in front of Alero

Ew, vomit. Wait. Sorry, unfortunate word choice.

2009-09-22T10:00:00.000-04:00

Overheard in Foggy Bottom near the GW library

Group of sorority girls talking about pledge week.

Girl 1: Look, that's her across the street! She's the one I want to be my little!

Girl 2: She looks anorexic.

Girl 1: I know, I love her.

Maybe because they're made of pepperoni

2009-09-21T10:04:00.001-04:00

Orange line, Metro Center:

Woman 1: Oh my god, I want to eat your shoes
Woman 2: Why does everyone keep saying that?

That's so deep for an ugly person

2009-09-18T16:49:00.000-04:00

Man and woman in Foggy Bottom:

Woman: I've never noticed...people in DC are actually really good dressers.

Man: They have to be. DC is just Hollywood for ugly people.

Woman: Huh?

Man: Yeah, that's all politics is - well-dressed ugly people.

And then Michael Bay blew it all up

2009-09-15T10:16:00.001-04:00

Overheard on M street in Georgetown. Group of high school students visiting DC on a school trip:

Girl 1: We're going to the hotel after this right?
Girl 2: Yeah, this is the last stop for the day... I don't see how this place is historical
Girl 1: They did shoot that one scene in Transformers, my all time faaaavorite movie, here.

How is the environmental movement on Uranus?

2009-09-14T14:36:00.001-04:00

One of those volunteers for Greenpeace: Hey, let me ask you a question: What's your favorite planet?
Girl walking in a hurry: Uranus

--M and Thomas Jefferson in Gtown

But I thought JC was my wingman

2009-09-08T10:58:00.001-04:00

Overheard in an Old Town Alexandria bar:

"You know Jesus is the ultimate cockblocker."

and with that . . . Happy Long Weekend!

2009-09-04T14:38:00.001-04:00

Not-so-busy cabbie watching passengers walk by at the Rockville Metro Sunday afternoon:

"It's a blessed day! A little hot, a little humid, a lot of tits-and-ass."

FAIL

2009-09-02T15:31:00.000-04:00

coming out of Inglourious Basterds:

Young 20-Something Chick: "I know the Nazis were bad n' all, but daaaaamn, were their uniforms hot!"

Hopefully she gave recommendations for the best porno too.

2009-09-01T09:35:00.001-04:00

McLean Safeway, the afternoon of Monday, 24 August.

50-Something Lady in camo cargo shorts and Bethany Beach muscle shirt, to the cashier/bagger: "...and I swear [Bagger-Guy's name], that had to be the absolute worst porno I've ever seen. But I did watch about 40 minutes of it..."

Could he be a spammer - in the flesh?

2009-08-27T12:04:00.001-04:00

Man walking through alley in parkview speaking in a pleading voice:

I don't take the viagra, I SELL the viagra

We did bring the memorial back with us from the Crusades

2009-08-25T10:17:00.001-04:00

overheard at the Lincoln Memorial:

Obese Tourist 1: "What's that writing below the state names?" [pointing at the roman numerals]

Obese Tourist 2: "I think it's Arabic"

Obese Tourist 1: "Ohhhhh, of course" [dead serious]

Honest, true friendship

2009-08-24T13:17:00.000-04:00

Two Saturdays ago, I was coming home late night on the Orange Line in the direction of West Falls Church. One sloppy drunk guy turns to a relatively sober friend to lament what he believed was a missed hook-up opportunity with a total stranger who got on the train.
Sloppy: "Man! If we had just been more persistent she totally would have stayed!"
Friend: "Dude, if we had been any more persistent, she would have called the police."

Smallest. Bay. Ever.

2009-08-21T10:26:00.000-04:00

Mother and two children on the train as it comes out of the tunnel to cross the river into Virginia. Children are about 4 or 5:

Child: Mama! Its the ocean! I see the ocean!
Mother: No. That's not the ocean. That's the bay.

I might also add that it was clear they were not tourists.

--Yellow line

Behold - the intellectual discourse of the AU Law school

2009-08-19T10:06:00.002-04:00

From our submitter: all of these quotes were overheard while I was sitting in the cafeteria at AU law school listening to some girls have a conversation over lunch... I couldn't tell if they were law students or not - they didn't have books or anything with them, but why else would they be hanging out in the law school during the summer? I think they work in one of the offices, hopefully just doing administrative things.. their conversation went on for a long time, but these are the real gems:

girl #1: "i hear alaskan cruises are really nice, but i would never go on one. what if we hit an iceberg?? plus, the water is probably really cold. I'm afraid of whales.. i mean, i don't walk around in daily life being afraid of them but if i was in a lifeboat in Alaska..."

girl #2: "oh whales are scary.. what's that story, Jonas and the whale? Joseph? and like, dolphins! they think they're just playing, but they spear you in the stomach and then you die""

"okay so like, titanic? in hindsight, wouldn't it have been better for them to just climb onto the iceberg?"

"part of the problem is that when the boat starts to sink, everybody goes crazy, and that's why I'd bring my own inflatable rowboat, or like an inner tube or something, so i could just say peace out and get the hell outta there"

girl #1: "i decided a long time ago that if i ever went swimming in the ocean, I'd strap a knife to my ankle so i could defend myself against the sea life"

girl #2: "ooh thats a good idea... except, you should be careful, because you would probably cut off your other foot"

Well, she was going to donate it in person, but...

2009-08-17T09:58:00.001-04:00

Tourist woman:

"I wonder where Amelia Earhart's plane is? It's supposed to be in this museum."

--Air and Space Museum

I think you meant to add museum. Or memorial. I hope.

2009-08-14T10:57:00.001-04:00

Getting on the Blue line at Crystal City two middle-age Midwesterners using that special tourist outside voice.

Tourist Woman: “So how did you like the Holocaust?”

Tourist Man: “OH! It was fanTAStic!”

Sounds elegant

2009-08-11T14:11:00.001-04:00

Waitress talking to coworkers: "I strive for elegance in my everyday life."
Same waitress about twenty minutes later: "You know what my pet peeve is? Waiting on people who've seen me naked."

--Georgetown

You will walk and you will like it

2009-08-10T09:48:00.000-04:00

Exiting the Chinatown metro, a southern 20-something guy and girl frustrated about a broken escalator...

Guy: God, does anything work in the Metro?
Girl: I know, it's like, where are our tax dollars going?
Guy: We don't live in DC...we don't pay taxes here.
Girl: ...Oh.

Unibrow too? Hot damn!

2009-08-07T13:12:00.000-04:00

Overheard on the Metro:

Man on phone: Yeah, I went and saw her at work the other day. She was looking GOOOOOOD! Thin little mustache & everything!

We = slackers

2009-08-06T10:24:00.001-04:00

Walking by the YAF convention at GWU:

Yuppie in a business suit: "Man, that speaker made me want to go out into the street and drop kick a liberal!"

(pleading ignorance: what does YAF stand for?)

I have facebook to keep track of these things.

2009-08-03T14:50:00.000-04:00

@17th and P Streets! The two people were 30-something:

Guy: So when's your birthday?
Lady: Umm, well, it's in October.
Guy: Yeah? Nice, what date?
Lady: Late October?
Guy: I mean what day? Oh cool, is it on Halloween?
Lady: Uhh...I don't really...the 24th I guess.

It didn't seem like she didn't want to tell him, but that she was genuinely confused about her birthday.

It's for your protection. Those books bite.

2009-07-29T10:48:00.000-04:00

"Why are we going in a cage?"

- Female teeny bopper, on entering the glass-encased viewing area above the Great Reading Room at the Library of Congress

That doesn't sound sketchy at all

2009-07-28T10:15:00.000-04:00

Man in a black fedora, sunglasses, and trenchcoat-"Well I'm sorry the family thought I was dead."

later on in the same conversation-"I'm from heaven son, I used to be Jerry Garcia."

Overheard on the Hill-Cannon Building

Do you keep your money in your shoes?

2009-07-27T11:39:00.000-04:00

Typical jam-packed red line train this morning headed downtown from Bethesda. A group of tourists in matching shirts get on the already crowded train and begin making a stream of observations about the ride in. But this made me and the woman next to me burst into laughter:

"Wouldn't it be funny if we got off the Metro and had no shoes? Like the pickpockets were just that good!"

Go Nats (fans)!

2009-07-24T09:48:00.001-04:00

Metro policeman on the Green Line platform last night:

“People move it on to the middle of the train. Let’s pack the car right Nats fans. You are not cherry-blossomers. You people know to do this. You live here.”

And before that as the crowd began to build on the platform:

Metro cop - “Sir, you can’t stop there. Keep moving to the other end of the platform.”
Cardinals fan - “Why do I have to move?”
Metro cop - “Because I told you to.”

Our eavesdropper notes: The Cards fan kept moving. Thus proving that even a drunk will do what he’s told if the person doing the talking has a billy club and pistol.

Hey, those hurt!

2009-07-23T10:16:00.000-04:00

Overheard man and woman in business suits in 2000 Penn near CVS:

Woman to man: "You would get blown up for your country but you're afraid of a tetanus shot?"

That sounds about right

2009-07-22T09:59:00.001-04:00

Overheard on the Orange Line during morning commute hours.

Woman to a group of singing middle school-aged kids she was chaperoning: "Shh. It's early and these people are going work so they're all angry."

The bathroom that goes both ways

2009-07-21T09:39:00.001-04:00

Patient: Is that bathroom a bisexual bathroom? I saw a woman come out of it one minute and a man the next.
Nurse: Yeah, the bathroom over there is the bisexual bathroom.

(Apparently neither knows the term "unisex.")

Georgetown University Hospital, Emergency Room Waiting Area

Everytime I hear Fairfax, I think of Austria - what's your point?

2009-07-20T09:53:00.001-04:00

on Orange train toward VA @6:30pm

conductor: "Orange line train to Vienna/Fairfax, next stop Foggy Bottom"
girl (presumably hill staffer) on train: "Every time I hear 'Vienna' I think of Italy!"
boy (presumably wants in girl's pants) on train: "Yea, me too."

It's just a matter of time before MTV goes after that demo

2009-07-16T13:16:00.000-04:00

7 year old boy and Grandparents at Reagan

Grandmom: We're going to Texas, NOT Mexico
Kid: Same thing.

and later

Kid: Are we gonna get on the Real World?

Just remembered I also wanted to post this

2009-07-15T11:07:00.001-04:00

This must be misheard:

One of four professional-looking men in suits walking down Nebraska Ave at midnight on a Saturday:

"Do I have the biggest asshole ever?"

Hey! I'm only doing this blog until I hit the powerball

2009-07-15T11:04:00.000-04:00

A Defense agency headquarters, Ft. Belvoir

"The lottery is the retirement plan for those that are mentally challenged."

That's kind of like exercise

2009-07-14T09:51:00.001-04:00

"I'm on a really great regimen now, I found some multivitamins I really love at Whole Foods"

-- One middle aged woman to another over dinner at Tara Thai

I think you mean two old men. Two old piano men.

2009-07-13T09:58:00.000-04:00

Two 20 somethings:

Guy 1 - "Why is the Metro so crowded tonight?"
Guy 2 - "Elton John and Billy Joel are playing tonight."
Guy 1 - "Who are they?"
Guy 2 - "I don't know. Two old guys."

Magneto strikes again!

2009-07-10T09:41:00.000-04:00

At the navy yard metro station:

Girl: Ugh, I demagnetized my card. Now I have to mail it to metro center. :looks at friend: Oorrrr, do you think I could like remagnetize it? Like, with a magnet?"

Free advertising!

2009-07-09T09:54:00.001-04:00

Incoming Freshman Girl: "Can I say that Cosi's is the reason I can't keep kosher?"

--GW card office

Our great presidents weren't much for standing

2009-07-08T10:21:00.000-04:00

Two high schoolers walking to the Jefferson Memorial:

Girl: "Is this the dude in the really big chair?"

Guy: "No, but I think this dude is in a chair."

A final RIP for MJ

2009-07-07T09:10:00.001-04:00

Cute little black girl: "Mom who is this white woman that died?"

Mother looking down at cover of NY Post: "That's Michael Jackson, he's a black man."

News shop in Farragut.

Wait, Jesus was in Chinatown?

2009-07-06T10:00:00.000-04:00

Guy at 7th and H Chinatown stoplight waiting to cross the street. Someone bumps into him. Guy exasperated:

"Jesus christ, this place is becoming Times Square!"

My friendship can be bought with cookies

2009-07-02T13:43:00.001-04:00

Man: "Well, I guess I'm a dickhead then." He pauses for a second and then grabs a bag of cookies off the table. "But wait, dickheads don't give out cookies, so who wants a cookie?"

--West End

A girl can dream, can't she?

2009-07-02T09:28:00.002-04:00

Overheard in front of the American History museum, emanating from a tourist family.

Mother - "Honey, I don't think those birds are gonna let you touch them."
Little Girl - "I WANNA BE SNOW WHITE!"

But not Megatron. He's dead to me.

2009-07-01T09:52:00.002-04:00

Couple arguing:

Man: I'm very sentimental.
Woman: Yeah, but only about material things that don't exist anymore!
Man: That's not true. I'm also sentimental about people. Like, for example, Optimus Prime.

--Arlington

Mayor XXX?

2009-06-30T10:54:00.003-04:00

Tourist, looking at photo of Fenty and Obama eating at Ben's Chili Bowl:
"Is that the president having lunch with Vin Diesel?"

Understanding of female anatomy fail

2009-06-29T10:10:00.000-04:00

Three female coworkers discussing their disbelief of the TLC show "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant." Male co-worker chimes in:

"...I mean, it's kinda just like the people who eat a bunch of hot dogs in those contests. Where do all the hot dogs go?"

I could use some context here - and a catechism

2009-06-26T10:00:00.000-04:00

One woman to another: Well, all the other Catholics in my family are Puerto-Rican sized.

Overheard at City Club of Washington D.C.

I know my French is a little rusty, but...

2009-06-24T10:04:00.000-04:00

...at Third Edition in Georgetown:

Girl 1: "No, I have no date. My life is pathetic."
Girl 2: "It's not pathetic, it's just missing a certain je ne sais quoi."
Girl 1: "And by je ne sais quoi, you mean cock, right?

Didn't know they let frat boys be teachers

2009-06-23T10:05:00.001-04:00

Man talking to group of women

"Yeah, I'm a third grade teacher. So I drink A LOT"

They're made by Germans, so they gotta be good.

2009-06-22T10:17:00.002-04:00

Mom to children at Target (Alexandria):

Who put the sham-wows in the cart? Who!? You people will believe anything you see on TV.

Barack's Row?

2009-06-19T13:42:00.001-04:00

Group of late-teens/early 20s (possibly Republican interns), at Matchbox, on 8th Street SE:

Girl (to the rest of the table): "I mean, he's only been President for a couple of months. What has he done to deserve having an area of the city named after him?"

Boy: "I know, right!?!"

I think by now you recognize this guy.

2009-06-19T10:01:00.001-04:00

On a crowded green and yellow line train pulling up to a very full Chinatown/Gallery Place platform.

Driver, in a very reasonable tone: "alright now, you people want to get off this train onto the platform. There are a whole lot of people on the platform who want to get on this train. [perfectly timed pause] There is a conflict there. You people on the train, however, have the upper hand. Use it responsibly and have a great day"

Those are two things I'd like to avoid and I'm straight.

2009-06-17T10:05:00.000-04:00

overheard downtown, a (presumably) gay man on his cell phone:

"I figure I'm safe. I can't serve in the military, I can't get married. It's awesome!"

What a pain in the ass

2009-06-16T10:07:00.001-04:00

Late forty-ish guy concluding business sounding cell phone call:

"So I heard you know all about my hemorrhoids now."

- Overheard outside Pentagon City Mall on Thursday

If there's no Forever 21 I'm not interested.

2009-06-15T11:09:00.002-04:00

Outside Farragut North entrance (Connecticut & K), two intern-age girls, one pulling a suitcase.

Girl not pulling a suitcase says:

"Oh, don't get too excited. It's not a real mall, it has grass."

No more Gossip Girl similes!

2009-06-12T09:38:00.000-04:00

Teenage girl: "He's like an English Chuck Bass...(awkward pause)...except that Chuck Bass is British."

-overheard at Wednesday's Santigold concert at the 9:30 Club

All aboard the twitter train

2009-06-11T11:59:00.001-04:00

We're on the twitter! Follow us at: http://twitter.com/eavesdropdc