Wait til you hear what he thinks a spatula is used for.

Guy 1: "So I need to know what kind of kitchenware you have, so I know what I'll need to bring if you don't have it. Like, do you have a thirteen-by-nine?"

Guy 2: "What? Do I have..." [gestures vaguely toward crotch]

Guy 1: "Yes. Yes. I'm volunteering to cook Christmas dinner at your house, so of course I would need to know how big your dick is."

-- 14th Street NW