A sign our criminal justice system works

I was walking up 14th street between U & V and there were a bunch of guys standing around - one guy said, "Man, I have way too many felonies to fuck with that guy!"

Alright, see ya at home honey

Overheard at George Mason in Fairfax:

There was a bald guy walking around in the student union, talking on his cell phone.

"I'm not sure how I feel about you giving hand jobs to the guys you work with..."

I will parallelogram your rhombus!

"Stop being so uppity about geometry!"
--Outside Foggy Bottom Metro

Were you at Cornell with Andy Bernard?

After a very loud argument between a couple and the female getting off the metro ...

Nosy Girl- "I understand where you're at. I was jobless for six months, and I went to Cornell!"
Sad Guy - "Yeah, it has been rough."
Nosy Girl - "Seriously, I mean, I went to Cornell! An Ivy League school. You know it's bad if I can't get a job right away."

--Orange Line Metro

I believe you mean illusionists.

Early-40's Dude #1: I'm not like that anymore. I've matured.
Early-40's Dude #2: Really? Show me. Do something mature.
Early-40's Dude #1: It doesn't work like that.
Early-40's Dude #2: You know, magicians and psychics tell me the same thing.

-Loudoun County Connector bus

I call shenanigans.

Crossing the street in front of Gelman library, 20 year old guy to his friend:
"Yeah, then I finally found my lap top...in the dumpster...covered in semen. So that's pretty much how that went."

End of the story: he was beaten to death with a prosthetic leg.

Waiting for the elevator doors to close inside Union Station metro -

Guy (as he jumps into elevator): "hurry up and close the doors before any wheelchairs come in!"

(chuckles to himself and looks around to see if anyone is in agreement - we're not.)

Door closes.

Guy again: "Whew! That was close...I mean jeez, they already get free parking."

She needs her own boyfriend, you mean.

In a restaurant bathroom in Penn Quarter:

Girl 1: I don't know, I just think she's depressed and she needs a boyfriend or something.
Girl 2: Well I mean she keeps f***ing your boyfriend, so I guess she needs a guy.
Girl 1: Yeah, I guess that's why she and I aren't on really good terms right now.

I'm hoping for some Potbelly's ads on the site...

Overheard on Capitol Hill: "Oh, that crazy blind guy is crossing the street. What a train wreck. Well, a car wreck, but still....

You heard it here first - suck it, TMZ

A woman walks into the cafe with her two- or three-year-old son and points to a magazine with Obama's picture on the cover.

"Do you know who that is, sweetie?"

The little boy looks at the picture for a minute, then back at Mom: "DADDY!"

Mom looks around to make sure no one heard - oops!

-- Tyson's Corner Barnes & Noble

Wait, Is Bette Midler Haitian?

In Shirlington:

"I talked to Ben and he's in for Bette Midler....that reminds me, I gotta send some money to Haiti. That shit is baaaaad."

On a serious note, you can donate money to help the people affected in Haiti at www.redcross.org

But he makes me feel safe

On the red line, near Brookland:

Woman on phone: What on earth made you want to fuck the night watchman? Honestly, you make the worst judgment calls.

Duh. It was totally Freddie Prinze Jr.

Group talking about Dawson's Creek. After 10 minutes of conversation:

Guy: Yeah, so Dawson was Rachel Leigh Cook right?

Sorry!

Sorry about the lack of 2010 posts so far. The holidays came and went and then your editors spent some time eavesdropping in sunny LA. Here's one of our favorites (heard on Venice Beach):

Cashier: Yeah I'd say that bacon makes everything better. I try to give it up, but then I think, being addicted to bacon is way better than being addicted to crack.

Our humblest apologies. Keep sending those eavesdrops in and we'll work to get them online for the world to see!

Begging for exact change in Jesus name

Over heard on the corner of North Capitol and First St. NE

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Background: Two people standing on the corner one appears to be a man and one a woman. As you get closer you realize from the voices they are both women. They both are shady characters. The woman that looks like a man starts talking to this guy who is trying to hail a cab.

Woman that looks like a man: Hello sir

Guy: Hello

Woman who looks like a man: Do you have, I mean Merry Christmas

Guy: Merry Christmas to you too

Woman who looks like a man: Well do you happen to have 73 cents

Guy: No I do not

Woman who looks like a man: Well, will you pray for us anyway

Skins fans and Dan Snyder: It's Complicated

"Dan Snyder, one day I will see you on the street and I will stab you with a rusty shank. You will die in my arms. I hate you Dan Snyder."

--screaming fan in the upper deck at Monday night's Skins/Giants game

Jerry Springer can usually help sort that out.

Woman on cell phone: "No, she's not pushing him for child support yet 'cause she doesn't know who the baby's father is."
-17th & Corcoran Streets NW

I also have a bailout on my Christmas list

Overheard on a train in the DC Metro on Saturday Night (12/12/09):

Two guys in Santa outfits talking to each other:

"Where are we going to say we're from when the north pole melts?"
"I dunno... Queens or something"

A few minutes later:

Random bystander: "Why are you taking the subway?"
One of the Santas: "Santa didn't get any TARP money and his reindeer
were repossessed"

It's a hard knock life

In line at a DC grocery store, 2 pm on a weekend.

customer #1 (older femaler): "yeah, he just got like 12 years, but I told him we'd make it, just like last time."

customer #2 (younger female): "I know, its like i told my boyfriend when he went away for 5, 'i'll be waiting when you get out.' That's what good women do."

He he he. Balls are funny.

Sunday at Lucky Strike in Chinatown - 3 girls sitting at one of the bar tables which holds bowling balls underneath. A guy walks up and says, "Do you mind if I look at your balls?"

I miss the hippo too

Young boy at the zoo: This is the worst day of my life.

Technically, you are an idiot.

Overheard In Murphy's in Old Town Alexandria

Early 20's tourist to bartender: "Is it legal to smoke in this bar?"

"Yeah, you can smoke in here. It's legal"

"So wait are we in D.C. or Washington?"

"Welllll, technically they are the same, but we aren't in either one."

Don't you mean Le Rugrats en Paris?

Overheard on the Metro Red Line:

Guy 1: Oui!

Guy 2: What is that?

Guy 1: It's French.

Guy 2: Are you sure?

Guy 1: Yeah! I totally learned that shit from the Rugrats in Paris movie!

Damn those trick questions.

Northern Virginia:

Guy #1: So, you didn't get the job?
Guy #2: No, but now the CIA thinks I have sex with goats.

I bet it's the ones that sparkle.

Overheard on a neighboring table in a Chili's in Crystal City...

Girl: "But are there gay vampires?"

Guy: "Sure. Probably about one in ten."

I 100% agree with this.

An intense office conversation at the headquarters of a national intelligence agency, on popular culture:
"Elmo is the Jar-Jar Binks of Sesame Street."

Whatever, Richard

Intern to group of interns: I had a teacher who called me a schmuck once. I didn't know what it meant, so I looked it up and went up to her and said, did you know that you just called me a penis?

-- McPherson Square

Yes and I'm on the value menu!

On the Metro Halloween night.

Girl dressed as a crayon fanning herself sees at a guy dressed as a Taco Bell Fire sauce packet and noticed that both of their costumes were made of the same material. She looks at him and asked, "excuse me, but are you hot?"

Redskins and blueballs

Setting: FedEx Field, 11:15-30ish PM, roughly 3 minutes remaining in the Redskins - Eagles Game. The Redskins have the ball and look like they may score.

Redskins Fan: "YEEEEEAAAAAAA! Let's go Redskins, they're like the horny drunk at the end of the night! Just take whatever you can get!"

And then the Skins fumble and the Eagles recover it.

You stay classy, State Department

In the men's room at the State Department:

Man in stall, sitting on toilet, talking on cell phone:

"My friends and I are all about projecting an image as high class intellectuals, you know, like philosophers...."

End of statement obscured by the sound of a toilet flushing.

Trains are soooo cool.

A gaggle of girls in their late teens are leaving Union Station, one says to the other: See I told you it wasn't an airport!

Krispy Kreme Marketing Scheme

Man selling Krispy Kremes outside of Gallery Place/Chinatown Metro this morning:

"$5! Krispy Kreme donuts - 12 for $5! Share them with the ones you love! Share them with the ones you hate! $5"