I miss the hippo too

Young boy at the zoo: This is the worst day of my life.

Technically, you are an idiot.

Overheard In Murphy's in Old Town Alexandria

Early 20's tourist to bartender: "Is it legal to smoke in this bar?"

"Yeah, you can smoke in here. It's legal"

"So wait are we in D.C. or Washington?"

"Welllll, technically they are the same, but we aren't in either one."

Don't you mean Le Rugrats en Paris?

Overheard on the Metro Red Line:

Guy 1: Oui!

Guy 2: What is that?

Guy 1: It's French.

Guy 2: Are you sure?

Guy 1: Yeah! I totally learned that shit from the Rugrats in Paris movie!

Damn those trick questions.

Northern Virginia:

Guy #1: So, you didn't get the job?
Guy #2: No, but now the CIA thinks I have sex with goats.

I bet it's the ones that sparkle.

Overheard on a neighboring table in a Chili's in Crystal City...

Girl: "But are there gay vampires?"

Guy: "Sure. Probably about one in ten."

I 100% agree with this.

An intense office conversation at the headquarters of a national intelligence agency, on popular culture:
"Elmo is the Jar-Jar Binks of Sesame Street."

Whatever, Richard

Intern to group of interns: I had a teacher who called me a schmuck once. I didn't know what it meant, so I looked it up and went up to her and said, did you know that you just called me a penis?

-- McPherson Square

Yes and I'm on the value menu!

On the Metro Halloween night.

Girl dressed as a crayon fanning herself sees at a guy dressed as a Taco Bell Fire sauce packet and noticed that both of their costumes were made of the same material. She looks at him and asked, "excuse me, but are you hot?"

Redskins and blueballs

Setting: FedEx Field, 11:15-30ish PM, roughly 3 minutes remaining in the Redskins - Eagles Game. The Redskins have the ball and look like they may score.

Redskins Fan: "YEEEEEAAAAAAA! Let's go Redskins, they're like the horny drunk at the end of the night! Just take whatever you can get!"

And then the Skins fumble and the Eagles recover it.

You stay classy, State Department

In the men's room at the State Department:

Man in stall, sitting on toilet, talking on cell phone:

"My friends and I are all about projecting an image as high class intellectuals, you know, like philosophers...."

End of statement obscured by the sound of a toilet flushing.

Trains are soooo cool.

A gaggle of girls in their late teens are leaving Union Station, one says to the other: See I told you it wasn't an airport!

Krispy Kreme Marketing Scheme

Man selling Krispy Kremes outside of Gallery Place/Chinatown Metro this morning:

"$5! Krispy Kreme donuts - 12 for $5! Share them with the ones you love! Share them with the ones you hate! $5"

T9's parents - not married!

18th and Columbia NW:

Man: This makes me so angry! Predictive text won't let me write 'bastard.'

Woman: Yeah, it's like the people who invented it didn't want anybody to swear.

Is the tea hot hot hot? Or is it cold...

Outside the Starbucks at Gelman Library on the GW Campus:

"I've never had hot green tea before... I don't recommend it."

There's no way they were talking about a US Senator...

Outside Clyde's on M Street:

"Well, thank you, Mr. Senator! Y'all actually got shit done! I'm glad I voted for your white ass!"

Get that guy a record deal

Rosslyn, near the corner of Wilson Blvd outside of a Starbucks:

Homeless man singing at the top of his lungs to the tune of Kings of Leon "Use Somebody" ...

Man: "You knowww that I could use some monneyyyyyyyy!!!"

My, how U Street has changed?

Woman in her 30’s walking her pint size mini-dog while chatting on her cell phone to a friend. They were making plans for the evening, to attend a party.

Woman asked her friend, “Would I be overdressed in patent leather heels and tights?”

--1300 Block of U Street, north side in front of Alero

Ew, vomit. Wait. Sorry, unfortunate word choice.

Overheard in Foggy Bottom near the GW library

Group of sorority girls talking about pledge week.

Girl 1: Look, that's her across the street! She's the one I want to be my little!

Girl 2: She looks anorexic.

Girl 1: I know, I love her.

Maybe because they're made of pepperoni

Orange line, Metro Center:

Woman 1: Oh my god, I want to eat your shoes
Woman 2: Why does everyone keep saying that?

That's so deep for an ugly person

Man and woman in Foggy Bottom:

Woman: I've never noticed...people in DC are actually really good dressers.

Man: They have to be. DC is just Hollywood for ugly people.

Woman: Huh?

Man: Yeah, that's all politics is - well-dressed ugly people.

And then Michael Bay blew it all up

Overheard on M street in Georgetown. Group of high school students visiting DC on a school trip:

Girl 1: We're going to the hotel after this right?
Girl 2: Yeah, this is the last stop for the day... I don't see how this place is historical
Girl 1: They did shoot that one scene in Transformers, my all time faaaavorite movie, here.

How is the environmental movement on Uranus?

One of those volunteers for Greenpeace: Hey, let me ask you a question: What's your favorite planet?
Girl walking in a hurry: Uranus

--M and Thomas Jefferson in Gtown

But I thought JC was my wingman

Overheard in an Old Town Alexandria bar:

"You know Jesus is the ultimate cockblocker."

and with that . . . Happy Long Weekend!

Not-so-busy cabbie watching passengers walk by at the Rockville Metro Sunday afternoon:

"It's a blessed day! A little hot, a little humid, a lot of tits-and-ass."

FAIL

coming out of Inglourious Basterds:

Young 20-Something Chick: "I know the Nazis were bad n' all, but daaaaamn, were their uniforms hot!"

Hopefully she gave recommendations for the best porno too.

McLean Safeway, the afternoon of Monday, 24 August.

50-Something Lady in camo cargo shorts and Bethany Beach muscle shirt, to the cashier/bagger: "...and I swear [Bagger-Guy's name], that had to be the absolute worst porno I've ever seen. But I did watch about 40 minutes of it..."

Could he be a spammer - in the flesh?

Man walking through alley in parkview speaking in a pleading voice:

I don't take the viagra, I SELL the viagra

We did bring the memorial back with us from the Crusades

overheard at the Lincoln Memorial:

Obese Tourist 1: "What's that writing below the state names?" [pointing at the roman numerals]

Obese Tourist 2: "I think it's Arabic"

Obese Tourist 1: "Ohhhhh, of course" [dead serious]

Honest, true friendship

Two Saturdays ago, I was coming home late night on the Orange Line in the direction of West Falls Church. One sloppy drunk guy turns to a relatively sober friend to lament what he believed was a missed hook-up opportunity with a total stranger who got on the train.
Sloppy: "Man! If we had just been more persistent she totally would have stayed!"
Friend: "Dude, if we had been any more persistent, she would have called the police."

Smallest. Bay. Ever.

Mother and two children on the train as it comes out of the tunnel to cross the river into Virginia. Children are about 4 or 5:

Child: Mama! Its the ocean! I see the ocean!
Mother: No. That's not the ocean. That's the bay.

I might also add that it was clear they were not tourists.

--Yellow line

Behold - the intellectual discourse of the AU Law school

From our submitter: all of these quotes were overheard while I was sitting in the cafeteria at AU law school listening to some girls have a conversation over lunch... I couldn't tell if they were law students or not - they didn't have books or anything with them, but why else would they be hanging out in the law school during the summer? I think they work in one of the offices, hopefully just doing administrative things.. their conversation went on for a long time, but these are the real gems:

girl #1: "i hear alaskan cruises are really nice, but i would never go on one. what if we hit an iceberg?? plus, the water is probably really cold. I'm afraid of whales.. i mean, i don't walk around in daily life being afraid of them but if i was in a lifeboat in Alaska..."

girl #2: "oh whales are scary.. what's that story, Jonas and the whale? Joseph? and like, dolphins! they think they're just playing, but they spear you in the stomach and then you die""

"okay so like, titanic? in hindsight, wouldn't it have been better for them to just climb onto the iceberg?"

"part of the problem is that when the boat starts to sink, everybody goes crazy, and that's why I'd bring my own inflatable rowboat, or like an inner tube or something, so i could just say peace out and get the hell outta there"

girl #1: "i decided a long time ago that if i ever went swimming in the ocean, I'd strap a knife to my ankle so i could defend myself against the sea life"

girl #2: "ooh thats a good idea... except, you should be careful, because you would probably cut off your other foot"