I'm $14.99, pants not included

In the US Capitol:

twenty-something girl to another twenty-something girl:

"Do you come with the shirt on or off?"

I have the poooooowwwwwwweeeerrrrrrr!

drunk guy 1: "you know, this is why the rest of the world hates us."
drunk guy 2: "let them hate us! you know why? cause we're a fucking POWERHOUSE."

--Metro

Another day, another dig at another city

Girl hugging a guy ...

Girl: Eew, you smell like vagina.
Guy: Oh, no that's just Philadelphia.

Take that NY! We're, uh, quieter.

Two 30 something guys sitting outside eating lunch:

Guy 1: You know why New York is the city that never sleeps?
Guy 2: Why?
Guy 1: Cause you can't fucking sleep there, too much god damn noise and lights

--24 and M

I'm getting my master's degree in mayhem

Two girls in Politics and Prose talking about classes they're taking:

Girl 1: Oh yeah and then there's Murder and Genocide.
Girl 2: That sounds AWESOME!
Girl 1: I know, right!

A French maid costume, for sure.

20-something girl: So, like...what should I wear to the French Embassy?

Friend: Something totally sexy, for sure.

Wisconsin Ave., Georgetown

The pipe bomb is for hunting deer

Two teenage boys in band shirts on the Dupont Circle escalator:
Teen #1: I mean, just because I own a gun doesn't mean I mean any harm
Teen #2: Yeah, just because I build a pipe bomb doesn't mean I mean any harm

I need something that accentuates the crack

A skater looking guy with baggy pants talking to his friend while getting off the train at Metro Center:

Skater guy: I'm not into the Uni butt.
Friend: The what?
Skater guy: You know, it's like a uni brow, except a butt.
Friend: What are you talking about?
Skater guy: I am just giving my commentary on how style has effected my life.

Where does South Dakota fit?

"dude, south america and south africa are like totally the same thing"

"no they're not..one has latinos and the other has african americans"

"whatever jose"

Where we're going we don't need roads!

-Parking lot, NOVA Annandale Campus-

Early 20-something slacker guy: The future, man! There's enough future for the rest of our lives!

American University: Where you can get Economics Lessons and Life Lessons all rolled up into one.

American University economics professor discussing equilibrium in trade curves:

"When you reach that point, the climax, everyone can go home satisfied and exhausted. So as you can imagine, we're going to fool around with these curves quite a bit."

-Tenleytown/AU

Well, at least there are puppets in the movie, you know, to distract him from all the nudity.

Couple with their 5-year old son at the movie theater getting their tickets:

Father: 3 for Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Cashier as he’s ringing them up: "Um . . . you know it’s rated R, right?

Father: Hmm, well how bad is it?

Cashier, grinning: It’s . . . Um . . .explicit . . .hehehe

Father, looks down at this 5-year old: Well…he’s gotta learn sometime right?

--Potomac Yard Theater

Newton is floating in his grave right now

Old Lady on the metro:

"I just think gravity is the most amazing thing. But, I still don't understand how it keeps us, the cars, and everything glued to the Earth while it moves around. I mean, you don't suppose we could be wrong about the Earth not being flat, do you?"

(This was followed by Old Lady nervously laughing, as if moments later she realized how ridiculous her question was.)

She just ruined someone's night.

Young (college-age-ish) woman talking on a cell phone:
"No! No, you may not wear my underwear!"

--Friday evening, Downtown Silver Spring

Do Dungeon Masters keep office hours?

Teacher: well why don't we set up a time to meet next week? do you have my cell number?
Student: no, I don't have my cell phone with me either, I'll write your number down on the most important thing I have! (pulls out sheet of paper)
Teacher: oh is that your class tracking sheet?
Student: No! ITS MY DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS CHARACTER SHEET! which reminds me...i cant meet with you tomorrow.

At least she wasn't pointing at hobos

Mother and her two children walking next to the reflection pool.

Daughter, excitedly grabbing her mom's hand and pointing at a canadian goose:
"Look Mom! Wildlife!"

Has senior week already started?

Male 1: Dude, where are your pants?

Slightly under-clothed Male: Dude, I dunno . . . I was at Apex, and then I was here . . .

Male 1: But dude, you’re straight!

--GW

Don't lie, you weren't going to shower hippie!

Hiding from the rain at green apple music festival:

20 something girl: "I think this rain is my ticket out of work tomorrow"
Soaking wet hippie: "This is my ticket out of a shower today"

Wow - Mother Nature is kind of a bitch

Girl down at the rainy Earth Day festival.

“Funny. Looks like mother Earth is giving us a big 'Fuck You' on Earth Day”

He meant po-po

Catholic University walking onto the campus to Pope Benedict III:

Boy: "Mommy, mommy!!! I just said goodbye to the Pope!!!"
Mother: "That's not the Pope, it's a policeman."

It probably beats one about sassy cavemen

Overheard in a diner in upper NW...A man talking to two friends:

"I think I'm finally gonna quit my job and write the sitcom I've always wanted to about the sassy robot"

Father Knows Best

Exiting the GWU hospital, a father walking hand-in-hand with two sons:

Son: Dad, what's a disability?

Father: It's like when someone loses their finger in an accident, (pause) which will probably happen to you.

It also helps that she can cook

Guy to his guy friend: "And so I said to him... well, frankly, if you've found somebody who will take it up the ass, she's a fuckin' keeper!"

--near Takoma Metro

(Our female eavesdropper notes: how thoughtful men are amuses me every day.)

Maybe she'll grow up and be a firefighter? Alright, a stripper firefighter.

Tourist family on the Red Line in the middle of the day. There's hardly anyone on the train, and the cute little tourist girl (about five or six) is playing on the poles.

Tourist Dad: "That's right honey. You get that swinging on a pole out of your system now."

Have you no shame, woman?

In front of the Library of Congress statues, daughter to her mother who was prodding her to pose for a picture:

"But Mom, they're naked!"

There's a Hitler joke in here somewhere...

Some guys were talking on the orange line: "If you were stuck between a donkey and a one-eyed chicken and you only had a bra on..."

(the eavesdropper notes: they noticed people were listening and got quiet. I really wanna know where that one was going!)

If the Nazis had a mascot what would it be? Don't answer that.

Three girls talking about the rivalry between Team A and Team B.

Girl 1: I could never wear their logo or anything that has to do with them.
Girl 2: Yeah, me too. Couldn't do it.
Girl 3: I would rather wear a swastika than wear their logo!

Omigosh, you totally got me

GW Student #1: I hear there are new Starbucks cups
GW Student #2: oh really???? I am so excited
GW Student #1: hahaha
GW Student #2: ....not in the least
GW Student #1: they are like curved so you can hold them easier without spilling
GW Student #2: oh hell now I actually AM excited
Gw Student #1: HAHA
Gw Student #2: I am so pathetic
Gw Student #1: good cuz I just made that up, there are new cups but I have no idea if they are shaped differently

Yes...those columns can be confusing

At the Capitol building Tuesday around 1:15 pm.

Tourist Woman in her 30s, pointing to the Supreme Court: "Oh, and there's the Lincoln Memorial!"

Ask not what brains your country can eat for you...

At the Kennedy Center, Sunday, 6 April, walking in the main foyer in front of the JFK sculpture:

Boy, 9-10: "Dad, that thing creeps me out. He's looks like the Zombie President."

Are the Chinese oppressing them, too?

There are starving people in Magnolia!

--West End

Some of my best friends are Islamics.

Outside the Hart Senate Office Bldg last night around 6:30....two older 50ish "suits" walking out of bldg:

Suit 1: You know, I don't even know any Islamics, or Islamic people, I just don't.
Suit 2: Yeah, and I've never been to any Islamic countries. I guess don't really know any Islamics either.

It wasn't R. Kelly, was it?

While standing outside of the Brickskellar, a group a well-dressed twenty somethings walks by.

Guy in the group to the girl with him: "Hey, baby, can I piss on you tonight?"

They're trees, what did you expect?

"So we all got together and went down to look at the cherry blossoms. Turns out they all look alike and now we're bored."

--on the Mall

Square peg says what to the round hole?

"Stop trying to fit me into things!"
--Female to male coworker, West End

A libertarian in his own mind

A middle-age man vehemently proclaiming to his friend "I don't need no help from nobody. I get my check from the government every month.

--18th Street

Morgan was the eleventeenth president, right?

P St. NW, at dinner.
Girl 1: What was that place I wanted to go to? The one with two presidents' names?
Girl 2: Adams Morgan?
Girl 1: Yeah!

Oh hell! Is Branch Avenue haunted?

Little girl: Can we ride the green line?
Mother: No.
Little girl: Why?
Mother, whispering: Because the green line goes to scary places.

-On the yellow line.