Friday, February 29, 2008

Luke..... I'm your bride

Co-worker 1: "I think we should have more rituals in the U.S."
Co-worker 2: "Oh yeah, like what?"
Co-worker 1: "Like with weddings, for know, the bride walks down the aisle" (starts humming) "dum dum dum DUM dee dum". "Oh no, wait. That's Darth Vader's theme song".

Thursday, February 28, 2008

W! We're here for our play date. Let's get out the nuclear football and toss it around.

Little Girl: "We're the President's best friends!!"

--White House Visitor's Entrance

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Welcome to the land of make believe - also known as Belgium

Two younger guys walking out of a screening of "In Bruges" in Georgetown:

"So is Bruges a real place? Like can you go there, or did they just make it up?"


Do you really want to put that in your mouth?

Woman: Yes, I'll have a sammie.
Quiznos Worker: Ok, which one?
Woman: Hmmm...I'll take a ballsmatic one.
Quiznos Worker: I'm sorry, what?
Woman: Yeah, the ballsmatic sammie.
Quiznos Worker: You mean balsamic?

--Mcpherson Square

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

We don't have an eavesdropping problem - we can quit anytime we want.

Girl walking in between classes on cell phone, excitedly says: "Oh!! I've been meaning to ask did your intervention go?"



They're totally like backstage passes, man! Rock on!

Two GW students in the audience of the Clinton policy speech yesterday:

(In complete seriousness)
Guy 1:I should have brought my Capitol Hill intern badge.
Guy 2:Hmm...
Guy 1: My intern badge, I should have brought it with me.
Guy 2: Aww yeah man, you would have totally gotten access!

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Monday, February 25, 2008

They can also cook french cuisine, if you believe Disney propaganda

Woman taking much longer then necessary deciding on what type of mouse trap to purchase:

Woman purchasing traps: “Mice can climb walls, right?”
Man behind counter: “Umm I guess, if there’s something for them to hold onto.”

--17th St Hardware

C'mon, you couldn't fit a religious stereotype into that quote?

Tourist: Taking pictures is a woman thing. Women are always taking pictures. Unless you're a gay... or asian.

--Jefferson Monument


'Dems fightin' words!

"Hillary is more of a man than Obama will ever be - and she's more of a woman than he'll ever have"

--The Bottom Line


Thursday, February 21, 2008

That's some eavesdrop

At Bread and Chocolate near Eastern Market two twenty-something men
are discussing life abroad:

Guy 1: Have you ever heard a pig squealing in pain?
Guy 2: I've read Charlotte's Web

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Congrats on your JD in moral depravity

Two law students - today at GWU Law school

Student 1: I hate her she's so rude to me
Student 2: You should totally kill her
Student 1:But seriously I can't stand her
Student 2:Just kill her, if you kill her that means you don't have a soul
Student 1: *perplexed* And that's a good thing?
Student 2: Of course, if you don't have a soul your grades will go up at least 10 pts per class. It may be your best shot to get into the top 10 percent.


Tuesday, February 19, 2008

How you know a date is going downhill

At an Italian restaurant in Adams Morgan, a girl and a guy on a date on Valentine's Day:

Girl: So, I want to try ecstasy
Guy: Why?
Girl: You did.
Guy: Yeah but that was five years ago.


Friday, February 15, 2008

Oh. You got the 'special' salsa

2 Businessmen, after discussing the latest in world politics, the emergence and effect of humanoid robots into the labor market, and various other intelligent and interesting subjects.

Businessman 1: I wonder what we are going to get for lunch tomorrow for the meeting
Businessman 2: Hmm. I hope it is one of those big sandwiches again.
Businessman 1; As long as it isn't Baja Fresh. I hate Baja Fresh. You made me hate it.
Businessmen 2: (extremely defensive) I made you hate it?! What did I do, crap in your burrito?!
(Silence then followed for the rest of the train ride)

Location: Metro, Orange line

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Shonda Rhimes had no idea what she was starting.

American history Professor: "Whoever is writing Vajayjay instead of Virginia in the notes they are submitting, please stop."



Tuesday, February 12, 2008

We interrupt this politically incorrect eavesdrop to bring you a very important message: VOTE TODAY!

20-something guy to another twenty-something guy:

Tall guy: "I hate the cold."

Short guy: "Me too. San Diego is the best! It's always great weather, even in the winter."

Tall guy: "Yeah. If i were a millionaire or an immigrant, I would totally move to San Diego."

--Red line metro, leaving Chinatown toward Union Station


Monday, February 11, 2008

So it is premeditated deicide?

A man in his early 30s holding hands and walking with a 7-8 year old boy, presumably his son.

Father to son: When I say "killing God" it's more of an idea, like the idea of killing God.

--Vermont and Florida Avenues NW.

Friday, February 08, 2008

My super powers include x-ray vision and statutory...

Conversation between college-age boy and underage girl...

Girl: Hello.

Boy: You're not wearing a bra are you?

Girl: (giggles) Nope. How did you know?

Boy: (wrapping an arm around her) I can just tell.



Thursday, February 07, 2008

He probably buys that Sobe Thrillicious Water too.

Overheard Sunday morning at the Giant store at Van Ness:

Woman deli worker cashier to another male worker after he had just made a purchase:

"Three dollar juice? Shit, what you a millionaire?"


Person 1: How's your sister doing?

Person 2: She's doing a lot better. Still pretty medicated, but the doctors say that she may be able to use the finger again someday.

Person 3: What happened to her finger?

Person 2: A chimpanzee that she was studying bit it off.

- Lab of one of the DC-area universities

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

I'm so used to this kind of political nerdiness, I no longer even find this funny or unusual.

Cashier: (looks at groceries) Oh, are you throwing a party this weekend?

Woman: I'm hosting a "Super Tuesday" party tonight! What else could all this food and wine be for?!

--Trader Joes in Foggy Bottom


Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Have you ever thought that maybe you're just wicked delusional?

Girl on cell phone:

"Why do you keep saying he's small? I've seen him naked; he so isn't. You're wicked demeaning."



Monday, February 04, 2008

This is wrong on a lot of levels, including Jesus's estimated age at death.

Woman 1: "Jimi Hendrix died when he was 28."

Woman 2: "So what you're saying is, if you do drugs you'll live 5 years longer than Jesus?"

Woman 1: [nods fervently]

--BBQ restaurant in Northern Virginia

Friday, February 01, 2008

And that's how all of the shoppers felt too.

Older brother (13ish) to toddler younger brother running through IKEA: "Sit down! I hate you!"

--Woodbridge IKEA

Wait, I don't get it. Isn't this how everyone spends their weekends? It's how I spend mine. And Matchbox is lovely.

Professionally dressed blond woman in her late twenties, talking on
cell phone: "There's this really nice restaurant that I have to take
you to - Matchbox. It's in Chinatown. We should go there soon. We should go there tomorrow. It's really lovely. And then we should go somewhere and get drunk."

-Orange line platform, Metro Center