Thursday, August 27, 2009

Could he be a spammer - in the flesh?

Man walking through alley in parkview speaking in a pleading voice:
I don't take the viagra, I SELL the viagra

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

We did bring the memorial back with us from the Crusades

overheard at the Lincoln Memorial:
Obese Tourist 1: "What's that writing below the state names?" [pointing at the roman numerals]
Obese Tourist 2: "I think it's Arabic"
Obese Tourist 1: "Ohhhhh, of course" [dead serious]


Monday, August 24, 2009

Honest, true friendship

Two Saturdays ago, I was coming home late night on the Orange Line in the direction of West Falls Church. One sloppy drunk guy turns to a relatively sober friend to lament what he believed was a missed hook-up opportunity with a total stranger who got on the train.
Sloppy: "Man! If we had just been more persistent she totally would have stayed!"
Friend: "Dude, if we had been any more persistent, she would have called the police."

Friday, August 21, 2009

Smallest. Bay. Ever.

Mother and two children on the train as it comes out of the tunnel to cross the river into Virginia. Children are about 4 or 5:

Child: Mama! Its the ocean! I see the ocean!
Mother: No. That's not the ocean. That's the bay.

I might also add that it was clear they were not tourists.

--Yellow line


Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Behold - the intellectual discourse of the AU Law school

From our submitter: all of these quotes were overheard while I was sitting in the cafeteria at AU law school listening to some girls have a conversation over lunch... I couldn't tell if they were law students or not - they didn't have books or anything with them, but why else would they be hanging out in the law school during the summer? I think they work in one of the offices, hopefully just doing administrative things.. their conversation went on for a long time, but these are the real gems:

girl #1: "i hear alaskan cruises are really nice, but i would never go on one. what if we hit an iceberg?? plus, the water is probably really cold. I'm afraid of whales.. i mean, i don't walk around in daily life being afraid of them but if i was in a lifeboat in Alaska..."
girl #2: "oh whales are scary.. what's that story, Jonas and the whale? Joseph? and like, dolphins! they think they're just playing, but they spear you in the stomach and then you die""

"okay so like, titanic? in hindsight, wouldn't it have been better for them to just climb onto the iceberg?"

"part of the problem is that when the boat starts to sink, everybody goes crazy, and that's why I'd bring my own inflatable rowboat, or like an inner tube or something, so i could just say peace out and get the hell outta there"

girl #1: "i decided a long time ago that if i ever went swimming in the ocean, I'd strap a knife to my ankle so i could defend myself against the sea life"
girl #2: "ooh thats a good idea... except, you should be careful, because you would probably cut off your other foot"


Monday, August 17, 2009

Well, she was going to donate it in person, but...

Tourist woman:

"I wonder where Amelia Earhart's plane is? It's supposed to be in this museum."

--Air and Space Museum

Friday, August 14, 2009

I think you meant to add museum. Or memorial. I hope.

Getting on the Blue line at Crystal City two middle-age Midwesterners using that special tourist outside voice.

Tourist Woman: “So how did you like the Holocaust?”

Tourist Man: “OH! It was fanTAStic!”

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Sounds elegant

Waitress talking to coworkers: "I strive for elegance in my everyday life."
Same waitress about twenty minutes later: "You know what my pet peeve is? Waiting on people who've seen me naked."



Monday, August 10, 2009

You will walk and you will like it

Exiting the Chinatown metro, a southern 20-something guy and girl frustrated about a broken escalator...

Guy: God, does anything work in the Metro?
Girl: I know, it's like, where are our tax dollars going?
Guy: We don't live in DC...we don't pay taxes here.
Girl: ...Oh.

Friday, August 07, 2009

Unibrow too? Hot damn!

Overheard on the Metro:

Man on phone: Yeah, I went and saw her at work the other day. She was looking GOOOOOOD! Thin little mustache & everything!


Thursday, August 06, 2009

We = slackers

Walking by the YAF convention at GWU:

Yuppie in a business suit: "Man, that speaker made me want to go out into the street and drop kick a liberal!"

(pleading ignorance: what does YAF stand for?)


Monday, August 03, 2009

I have facebook to keep track of these things.

@17th and P Streets! The two people were 30-something:

Guy: So when's your birthday?
Lady: Umm, well, it's in October.
Guy: Yeah? Nice, what date?
Lady: Late October?
Guy: I mean what day? Oh cool, is it on Halloween?
Lady: Uhh...I don't really...the 24th I guess.

It didn't seem like she didn't want to tell him, but that she was genuinely confused about her birthday.