Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Better living through chemicals

Columbia Pike Harris Teeter, Falls Church - young couple shopping in
the produce section

Guy: I can't have the organic, it makes me weak. I need the pesticides.

Monday, March 30, 2009

I'm waiting for starfruit to get cool again

Two hip-looking guys in the Gallery Marketplace at GW:

Guy 1: Ooh I want a pomegranate juice.
Guy 2: You only like that because pomegranate is the new hipster fruit.


Wednesday, March 25, 2009

It's our 1000th post! Where's our &#@!ing book deal?

Teenage high school girl #1, pointing to the movie The Boy in the Striped Pajamas at a Red Box: "Oh my God, I've heard this movie is so good! Its about the Holocaust."

Teenage high school girl #2: "I love the Holocaust...you know, like not love the Holocaust, but like I love learning about it and stuff, ya know?"

Teenage high school girl #1: "Yeah, totally...its so sad what happened to those people, but I love it too....I mean the learning part."

Teenage high school girl #2: "Yeah, for sure."

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

And I never saw my mother again.

Overheard in Crime and Punishment Museum in Chinatown:

"Kids, go get in jail, and daddy and I will come visit you!"

Monday, March 23, 2009

Our Founding Fathers have never been so fiberful

Look, it's George Washington on a bus!

Tourist dad to tourist family whilst pointing to an ad featuring the Quaker Oats guy

-- 14th and H NW


My new inspiration

Overheard on red line train near NY Ave:

"Shit, man, I'm being proactive! I want both of the girls, but I gotta keep 'em apart, so I just make sure one's in Maryland and one's in Virginia all the time!"


Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Shamrocks, y'all!

Drunk Girl with Pittsburgh Accent: "I'm Irish!"
Sarcastic, Slightly Annoyed Irish Bartender: "I bet... you sound Irish."
Drunk Girl with Pittsburgh Accent: "No, I really am. Look at the name on my license."
Sarcastic, Slightly Annoyed Irish Bartender (looks somewhat confused): "You're Scottish."

- Irelands Four Courts in Courthouse

Monday, March 16, 2009

That's my motto for St. Patty's Day too

Guy walking down the street talking to his buddy: "ain't nobody gonna f*ck me up! . . . I'll f*ck myself up!"

-14th and S

Friday, March 13, 2009

I can explain it: The Freshman Fifteen

Barney's Co-Op, M Street in Georgetown:

Girl 1: I don' know, ever since I came to school down here I just felt so pressured to be thin and look good. It's retarded I can't really explain it

Girl 2: Ha, maybe it's because of all the gays at your school

Gay Sales Assistant: Bitch please - we shouldered aids what else do you want from us?


Thursday, March 12, 2009

hehe - your mom's a dude.

Guy screaming at another guy while getting thrown out of a bar:
Guy 1: I'm going to kick your ass!
Guy getting thrown out: You know what? I'm going to shove my mother's dick up your ass!


Wednesday, March 11, 2009

We hear you man, we hear you.

Well-dressed middle-aged man asserting (at volume) on his cell phone:

"Well if she wasn’t such an angry bitch, I wouldn’t have to yell at her!"

--Paper towel aisle at Giant, McLean, VA

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Um, icanhasblog? (sorry we kind of forgot about you)

Two guys waiting to cross a street:

Guy 1: "No, chocolate syrup is too messy. It will permeate the leather."

--Corner of 23rd and G

Thursday, March 05, 2009

The top half, dummy

Tourist on the mall listing to a tour guide:

Tour Guide: The Washington Monument was made in two parts that is why
it has two colors. You can see the split in the middle of the

Tourist: What half was made first?


Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Mmmm . . . donuts

At Metro Center, two cops with a K-9 unit are walking about. K-9 sniffs the garbage can.

Man: "Is that a bomb-sniffing dog?"
Cop: "No, it's a donut-sniffing dog. That's why we keep him around."
Man: "Oh."


Monday, March 02, 2009

pass the prozac please

Checkout line at Giant:

Lady customer to the cashier: "You seem to be smiling a lot with such hard times going on"?

Lady cashier: "I have Prozac and Jesus; that's why I smile all the time".

--Columbia Pike in Arlington