Friday, March 31, 2006

Can't Get Enough Of Your Love, Babe

Metro conductor: Next stop: Rosslyn
Tourist: Ohhh, I like his voice. It's soothing. Like Barry White.
-Orange line


Report suspicious sacks with dollar signs on them

Metro train operator: If you find anything suspicious ... or money ... tell me about it.
-Orange Line Metro, Foggy Bottom stop

Thursday, March 30, 2006

How do you say farewell to Lulu's?

Girl #1: We could go to Lulu's tomorrow, its $20 all you can drink from 8-3 am.
Guy #1: That's a whole lot of drinkin.
Guy #2: No man, that's a whole lot of peein.

-- Georgetown


What the bleep?

Suit sitting at a table: I didn't go to grad school at Harvard to do your stupid fucking job!.
Passerby: What an asshole.

-- Lunchtime at Lafayette Park

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Cruising for dates with Blanche and Sophia

Old lady number 1: Barb, can I sit next to you?
Old lady number 2: Well, I was hoping that hot young thing from the last train would sit next to me again, but I guess you'll do.

-- Orange line

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Beggars can't be choosers, wait...

Bum to Suit 1: Hey you got a dollar?
Bum to Suit 2: Hey you got a dollar?
Bum to Suit 3? Hey you got a dollar?
Bum to girl: I know you don't have a dollar.

-- Submitted by a poor GW student who really doesn't have a dollar.

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Well it's not the rainbow house...

Drunk girl #1: Hey, what building is that? It looks so familiar.
Drunk girl #2: The White House.
Drunk girl #1: Oh yeah, wait are you sure?

-- 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

Monday, March 27, 2006

The rules of dating

Girl 1: He's got to get me a gift pretty early on for me to stick around.
Girl 2: Yeah. He got me dunkin donuts.
Girl 1: He's a keeper.
--Foggy Bottom Metro

We're Flintstones kids.

Guy: I started taking vitamins, but I can only take the chewable ones because I can't swallow big pills.
Girl: You're gay and you can't swallow big pills?!

-- Orange line

Um, I don't think that was the point...

Girl 1: That movie really made me want to sell my soul to a lobbying firm.
Girl 2: Yeah, go big tobacco!

Heard walking out of Thank You for Smoking

- Georgetown movie theater


Sunday, March 26, 2006

Mason Madness

Lady: "Go GMU!"
Guy: "Yea! I took some night classes there!"
-18th Amendment Bar on Penn Ave during the GMU-UConn game

From the mouths of babes

Little girl walking down the escalator with family: Why can't we ride down? Walking down the stairs isn't any fun. I can do that at home.

--Foggy Bottom Metro

Friday, March 24, 2006

{insert every Delaware joke you've ever heard here}

Boy A: So does she have a boyfriend?
Boy B: Yes, but he lives in Delaware.
Boy A: Who lives in Delaware? That is so strange.
Boy A: I know Delaware is just a bunch of empty office buildings with one person occuping it for tax purposes.

-- Route 123 and Old Courthouse Road in Vienna

Stand on the right...

Suit 1: People in this city do not know proper metro etiquette! They crowd the platforms and make it so difficult to get onto the trains during morning rush hour.
Suit 2: People in this city are unbelievable. Metro etiquette is just common sense!
** Spoken as guy number 2 is standing on the left side of the escalator, blocking traffic and not moving.**

-- Foggy Bottom metro- morning rush hour

You are what you wear...

Girl # 1: Hey this is my friend (didn't catch the name).
Drunk guy: Hey.
Girl # 1: Hey doesn't (name) just look hot? Not everyone can wear green but she can.
Drunk guy: Yeah she can. (to girl in green) It makes you look like a slut.
Girl in green: Uh...
Drunk guy: No!! You've got a great personality, too.

-- Capitol hill bar


Thursday, March 23, 2006

Please stand clear of the doors

Woman boards already packed train at Rosslyn, gets purse stuck in door.

Woman (with screeching southern accent): "OH LORDY, I am stuck in the door! I am STUCK in the door! Y'all, help me! Push it open! NO, you, man, can you push it!?
Poor man stuck next to her: I'm trying!
Woman: Oh, my word! I'm stuck in the door! It won't come out!
Train conductor over the intercom: In the second to the last car, you, stand CLEAR of the doors!
(purse finally comes free)
Woman: Wow, y'all, they're serious when they close those doors!
(silence until the train starts to pull into Courthouse)
Woman: HEY Y'ALL IN THE MIDDLE - Can you just let go of your poles and move in? Stand close! Make friends with your neighbor! Make room! Just let go of your poles and move in -- we are all just STUCK IN THE DOOR!

-Orange line

Maybe she needs an easy button

A woman returning something at Staples. Cashier starts to hand her multiple receipts -- looks around her -- proceeds to hand wad of receipts to woman.

Cashier: "Sorry, I don't have any staples."

-Staples, 19th and L

In recognition of our non DC readers, we give you Eavesdrop Santa Monica.

Girl and Guy are standing at stoplight near Santa Monica Pier. The 'walk sign' lights us accompanied by the shrill sustained beeping used to alert blind pedestrians.

Girl: I just love the beach. Where I'm from we don't have birds like this.
Boy: Birds like what?
Girl: Like those birds singing right now.
Boy: Um, that's the traffic light, not birds.
Girl: Oh really, I wondered how come I only heard them when walking across the street.

And he was right

Homeless musician to two guys: Any change, fellas?
*Two guys ignore him*
Homeless musician: Yeah, well, you guys aren't getting laid tonight!
*He plays saxophone*

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Protestors = the new axis of evil.

Son: Daddy, what are those people doing?
Dad: Protesting.
Son: Why are they protesting?
Dad: Well son, it's because they want the terrorists to win.

-- Midwestern son and dad walking in front of the Capitol...

DC- a pedestrian friendly city (if you're aware of your surroundings)

Woman to man crossing the street: Hurry up! Only 10 seconds left.
Man: Oh, that's what that means!

-- Union Station

Have you called Jenny yet?

Bum to passerby: Hey buddy, can you spare some change?
*Passerby ignores bum*
Bum to passerby: Maybe you should go on a diet.
*Passerby continues to eat ice cream and milkshake.*

-- Dupont Circle

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Monday, March 20, 2006

And does it have weights too?

Pompous guy to friends (in the most haughty tone possible): Well my gym has treadmills, so when it's cold out I can still work out.

-- 19th and M

Sunday, March 19, 2006

No, seriously ...

Tourist: "What's the building with the dome that you can see from Union Station?"
DCer: "Umm, the Capitol?"
Tourist (now somewhat angry): "No, the one you can see with the soldiers!"
DCer: "The Capitol."
Tourist then leaves in a huff.
-Outside the Capitol


Apparently it's tourist season already

Tourist: "The White House is much larger than I thought."
-tourist father to family outside the Capitol


Where's me pot o' gold?

Guy 1: Would a gun be like a bazooka to a leprechaun? They're so small!
Guy 2: Yeah, but I think they are pretty dense. A lot of stuff packed into a very small space. Like that girl over there.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Top of the mornin' to you

Guy 1: Did you see the leprechaun today?
Guy 2: No. Were you smoking the ganja again?
Guy 1: No man he was real. I wanted to punch him.

-- Froggy Bottom

Friday, March 17, 2006

Strange fetishes

Girl: I'm all about leprosy.

-- Alexandria

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Doors opening ...

School-age Girl 1: That's so dumb.
School-age Girl 2: What's dumb?
School-age Girl 1: That they say "Doors will be opening on the left." I mean, it totally depends on what way you are facing.
School-age Girl 2: Yeah. Totally. So dumb.
-Metro, Capitol South


Just don't call him Anna Karenina

Bum shouting: Stop looking at me like a Russian whore!!

-- Farragut West


And that's how the cookie crumbles

Guy1: Well you know "C" is for cookie.
Guy2: Well it's not for constipation.
Guy1: True, ever since cookie monster became the veggie monster I bet he's pretty regular.
-McPherson Square

A one woman show

Man boarding metro holding his phone with the walkie talkie on (woman yelling on the other end).
The man switches to his earpiece; listens for several minutes and says:
"First of all, this is a two-way walkie talkie, not a one-way monologue machine. With all the yaking you're doing I can hardly get a word in edgewise."
-Red line metro, Rhode Island Avenue stop


Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me - I wanna be dirty!

Girl to guy: "You're a virgin! They ostracize you people!"
-Dupont Circle, it took a few seconds to realize they were talking about The Rocky Horror Picture Show.


Monday, March 13, 2006

Statler and Waldorf

Old Man 1: Do you remember when we went to the Pentagon the other day?
Old Man 2: That must have been 10-12 years ago.
Old Man 1: Well there's a shopping center there now!
-East Falls Church Metro


Say my name bitch!

Guy in chinos: Hey there, what's your name?
Girl: Liz.
Guy in chinos: Liz hmmm, Elizabeth is such a beautiful name. You should go by Elizabeth; it's so much better in foreplay.

-- Reef

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Blotchy bitches

Girl 1 looking at pictures: Why am I so blotchy in this picture?
Girl 2: Oh, remember when you got blotchy?
Girl 1: Oh yeah, that's the night I got blotchy.

-- Courthouse metro



Girl to friend: I've got to get rid of my lame friends. They're really bringing me down.

-- Foggy Bottom Metro


Friday, March 10, 2006

I never got that kind of homework.

Guy to girl: So that's what friends with benefits are, they're like someone who will help you with your homework.

--Dupont Circle


Thursday, March 09, 2006

apathy at its best

Guy to girl: I'm like Phil Collins. I don't care anymore.
-near Raku Asian Diner in Dupont


Wednesday, March 08, 2006

The exorcism of Georgetown

Bum shouting at traffic: How do you spell devil? D-E-E-Z-E-D?

-- Wisconsin Ave in Georgetown

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Washington DC- 13th most dangerous city in America?

Teenager 1: How long you going for?
Teenager 2: Don't know. My probation officer said the only reason i's going at all is because I had the gun on me.
Teenager 1: Man, that sucks.
Teenager 2: Yeah.

--Metro Bus


ahhhhh minorities

"You're watching Girlfriends? Being gay isn't enough, now you wanna be black too? That's my job!"

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Trust the Gorton's fisherman

Drunk guy #1: Mmmm, pizza ... no, fishsticks! Wait, who's the guy that makes those fishsticks?
Drunkguy #2: Mrs. Paul?
Drunk guy #3: No, no -- it's that Gorton dude.
Drunk guy #1: From the wharf to your freezer!
Drunk guy #2: FISHSTICK PIZZA!
-Orange line, 9:30 pm

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Was Nicholas Cage there?

Teenage girl: "oh hey, isn't that the building from National Treasure?"
-tourist referring to the Library of Congress


just don't say oriental

"Ooh guys, do you think that sign's written in Chinese or Japanese?"
-Tourist woman looking at the Verizon Center in Chinatown


Monday, March 06, 2006

I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance

Boy: Grandma, come here look! It's the guy from the Geico commercial.
--Boy pointing to the gecko fossil at the Museum of Natural History

Friday, March 03, 2006

Missing Person: Fascinating Folks

Girl to coworker: "Well, have you ever considered that we're the most interesting people in DC?"
(coworker giggles and nods in agreement)
-20th and L

Four eyes

Girl # 1: I'm so pissed, I can't believe she said that!
Girl # 2: Yeah, but look at her. She wore glasses to a bar.

-- Front Page

Please Mr. Postman

Girl on phone: Ok so mom, do you think it violates any international shipping regulations to send a Chia pet to Scotland?
(mom answers)
Girl on phone: Yeah, that's a good idea. I'll call the Department of Agriculture.

-- Dupont Circle


Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Going Nowhere

"I don't know how this happened, but I think we're out of gas!"
-Homeless Man to a park bench, Washington Circle

maternity leave

Girl #1: "I felt like a pregnant hooker in that dress."
Girl #2: "I know, you looked like a pregnant hooker too."
--Dupont Circle


can i get your number?

Girl at New Years party: "I want to be easy, I'm gonna drink these."
-McPherson Square

don't ask

Girl: "My bottom hurts, because of the pole!"
- Courthouse metro


pollos locos

Girl: "I had to take care of thirty chickens, fuckers."
-Courthouse metro


good vibrations

Girl: "I mean, what do you expect -- when you bring out the vibrators, girls are going to start squealing..."
-Clarendon metro

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you sexy thing

Girl #1: Ugh, I'm hot.
Girl #2: Oh, I'm sorry.
Girl #1: I know why... cause I'm sexy!
-West End

Taking one for the team

Bum to a crowd of adoring bums: "I mean, it's a tough lifestyle. But a eunuch's got to do what a eunuch's got to do."

-- Washington Circle