Thursday, January 31, 2008

But girls HATE fair wages

Drunk, College Guy #1: Man, girls LOVE Target!

Drunk, College Guy #2: And Wal-Mart!

--Red line metro


Sadly, some of you can do neither in less than 2 minutes.

Several (6 or 7) college guys on a way to a formal event cheering on one of their own as he attempts tying his tie:

"Tying a tie is as easy as unhooking a bra, bro."

--Red Line Metro to Shady Grove


Wednesday, January 30, 2008

And Chad too? Right?

Young woman, discussing new potential boyfriend: "His name is Jordan."

Her dinner companion, a young man: "Isn't Jordan a country or something?"

-Ruby Tuesday


Tuesday, January 29, 2008

only in DC, and only on the Hill

Hill staffer talking on the phone: " should leave work early, there's probably going to be State of the Union traffic..."

--Capitol Hill


Monday, January 28, 2008

Um, I'd like a bigger expense account please.

Old guy in suit: "And the best part about the internet? The free wi-fi at Motel Six."

Young guy in suit: [awkward silence]

--Farragut North / Connecticut Avenue NW


Wow! And does it go to AND from places?

College-aged tourist girl: "Wow! You can go outside on these!"

-Blue line metro coming from Rosslyn as it leaves the tunnel

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Friday, January 25, 2008

So you got a website huh?

Frat Guy #1: So, I finally got the website up and running.

Frat Guy #2: Oh? Really? What's on it?

Frat Guy #1: Oh, nothing so far. It just has a "Coming Soon" banner at the top.

Frat Guy #2: Oh, nice.

--Washington Square



Woman walking and pointing to a colleague's office: "Is she in or is she gone?"

Man standing near replies: "Put it this way, she's not all there."

--DC office building

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Not the most common nickname for the Washington Monument

[Three middle aged women tourists on the Orange Line]

Tourist 1: Where should we get off to go to the White House?

Tourist 2: We should get off at the Smithsonian, and we can go to the big pointy thing too.


Tuesday, January 22, 2008

J. O'Lantern, Esquire

Senior partner: "I think I'd do better as a pumpkin than a human being, but, you know..."

--K St Law Firm

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Meet Mister Q; he is Quiet.

A whole crew of college-aged girls on Massachusetts Avenue near Dupont:

Chick 1: What does CVS stand for anyway?

Chick 2: I think it stands for Customer Value and Service.

Chick 3: I think it stands for Care, Volunteer, and Safety.

Chick 2: No, actually I think it stands for Quality, Satisfaction, and ...

Other Chicks: Quality starts with a Q, you dumbass!

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Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Turducken? More like Turfu... (rest of subject line has been censored)

20something to her gay friend: "I got stuffed more than a turducken last night!"


Tuesday, January 15, 2008

New pick up line?

Guy to another guy: "I asked her if she got a haircut, because, you know, girls like that."

-N Street NW

Monday, January 14, 2008

I'm sure that's exactly what Dr. King had in mind

Two black women talking about work/vacation:

Woman 1: So do you have off for MLK day?
Woman 2: You bet I do. Martin Luther King, Jr. said "I have a dream." He wanted us to have dreams. So I'm taking the day off, so I can be home, asleep, having a dream.

-- Red line to Silver Spring, near Rhode Island Ave stop

Friday, January 11, 2008

Dysentery - the new diet fad sweeping the nation (and your intestines)

Walking from lunch, I heard 2 women talking about losing weight.

Woman 1- Man, I could use a good stomach virus.
Woman 2- I need a good trip to a developing country.

--Bethesda (outside Raku's)

Polydent might help with that.

Bum to 2 girls walking down the street: "Damn girl you got a fine ass!!! If I had teeth I would bite it!"

--location unknown


Thursday, January 10, 2008

If that doesn't build up your self esteem, nothing will.

On the ride down the escalator to the Ballston Common food court, two 40-something female govt agency staffers:

Staffer One: You were such a badass! You are, you are a badass!

Staffer Two: Yeah, I guess I am a badass.

Staffer One: Yeah, you're the baddest ass!

Staffer Two: Right, my ass is pretty bad.

Staffer One: You betcha; you are the baddest badass! Nobody drives back from Binghamton like you do!

What can brown lose for you?

Falls Church, VA at Target Store

UPS truck parked outside of Target. Father and 20-something son walking passed the UPS truck. Son says to dad,

"Why would I trust someone to carry my mail with the name 'ooops'"

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

What are you doing in DC, Jessica Simpson?

Group of college age women talking loudly about what to make for dinner.

Girl 1: We could make chicken or maybe tuna.
Girl 2: That sounds good to me because I do not eat red meat
Girl 1: Oh ummm but isn't tuna red meat?
Girl 2: Nooo...tuna is fish.

Long silence

Girl 2: I can't believe you live in is so far
Girl 1: I know it is like totally sad and boring.

--Blue Line


Slightly different, but duly noted.

College Girl #1: "Coming out? That's what gay people do."

College Girl #2: "Yeah, them and girls from the South."

--E Street Theater

I don't really understand, but I assume you mean he'd have 5 Grammy awards.

Overheard in the cafeteria of the headquarters of a major US Government Agency:

Guy 1: "Man, if Holden Caulfield was packin' double-X chromosome, he'd be Christina Aguilera."

Guy 2: "Thoroughly."

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

That's the spirit!

[Co-workers discussing a weight loss contest]

Co-worker #1: "Have you already had your meeting with the nutritionist today? Cause she definitely made me feel guilty about my lunch...they have fried chix and mac & cheese today...bad day for that."

Co-worker #2: "We don't weigh in 'til next week right?"

Co-worker #1: "Yup...I figure we should eat as much as possible before then, so we have more room for improvement."



Monday, January 07, 2008

Stay classy, Bethesda

Woman in a business suit sitting with table of people: "Oh absolutely! I'd totally suck a guy's dick rather than have sex with him. Especially if I don't know him!"

--Happy Hour at Rock Bottom, Bethesda


Saturday, January 05, 2008

Just tell that to Nancy Pelosi

December 24th - in front of the National Christmas Tree, across from the White House.

A young girl points to the guards in front of the White House and asks her father, "why can't we go in there?"

Father answers, "Because we're democrats!"

Thursday, January 03, 2008

EavesdropDC's system just overloaded due to all the penis joke possibilities.

Guy: "I fell on concrete and now I can't even sit down."

Woman: "Yeah, you probably broke your cock bone."

Guy: "Coccyx. The term is coccyx."

-McPherson Square

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Eavesdrop DC wishes to remind you to send in your New Year's Eve eavesdrops (if you were sober enough to remember anything you heard).

Overheard in Giant near Tyson's on New Year's Eve:

Loudspeaker: "Will the person who took the empty cart at the front of the store with the cane inside please return it? The person needs the cane."

[Two minutes later]

Loudspeaker: "The cane is at the Desk. Will the person who needs the cane please pick it up?"

[Two minutes later]

Loudspeaker: "The person who needs the cane is in Meat. Please bring the cane to the person."