Friday, March 30, 2007

No seersucker before Memorial Day ever!

Girl: Do you work on the Hill?
Guy in seersucker suit: No, but everyone asks me that. I consider seersucker to be a fat man's muumuu.

-- Elevator at 2000 Penn

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Mmm.. soil on the cob

"This popcorn tastes like dirt - do you think that's what they mean by organic?"

--West End

The CIA is onto us!

Apparently they don't like competition in the eavesdropping industry. Our mole inside the CIA has asked us to take down his two droppings - due to a "an overzealous and uncompromising security atmosphere." We've complied - mostly because we don't want to "disappear".


Monday, March 26, 2007

Preserve it forever - just like your virginity

Giant nerd to friend after getting a dvd autographed by Simon Pegg: "Do you have the plastic bag ready? Sweet ass!"

--Arlington Cinema and Drafthouse

Friday, March 23, 2007

That's what I call succinct.

Children are listing historical figures they like:

Little girl: "Rosa Parks....and Abraham Lincoln...and George Washington...and George Bush..."

Girl's Mom: "We don't like George Bush. He did some fucked up shit."

-- L'Enfant Plaza

Thursday, March 22, 2007

I'm not sure we want to start the day off with a little racism, but . . .

Guy hitting on a girl:
Guy: ". . . So, then I worked for the Kerry Campaign . . ."
Girl: "You worked for Kerry?"
Guy: "Yeah."
Girl: "I used to be pretty liberal too, but then I moved to DC and met all of these minorities."

--Brass Monkey


Wednesday, March 21, 2007

We really want Google to put some prophylactic ads on our site today

Drunk 20-Something: "Hey.... HEY! BACKDOOR! (gets off the back door of the bus, immediately gets back on the front) Where's myticket? I HAD my TICKET.... (suddenly looks out the window) You fuckin' without a rubber?? She been fuckin' without a rubber! That's how I got that shit!"

--70 Bus, Southbound, in front of Verizon Center

Babys R Us -- Because the Condom Broke

Woman on cell phone: "I don't see why I should have to buy her a gift just because the condom broke."

-Farragut area

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

A little leftover St Patty's day cheer

Girl: Well, Scottish and Irish are basically the same.
Guy (indignant, apparently Scottish): They are completely different! We even have our own holiday. I can’t remember when it is (long pause) or what it’s called.
Girl: Yeah, sounds like your heritage is really important to you.
Guy: It usually just involves taking a six pack of McEwans to Bob’s place.

--Metro Center

Man, that shit is Asian . . . fo' real.

On the Chinatown-Chinatown Apex bus to NYC, as a romantic comedy is played on the overhead screens.

Guy: "Man, this is bullshit. Put on some a' that Jackie Chan, Bruce-Mothafuckin-Lee shit. That shit is Asian fo' real."

Monday, March 19, 2007

This story would be so much better if she still went home with him at the end of the night

Guy: "So, you're Jewish?"
Girl: "Yeah."
Guy: "You don't look Jewish. You're pretty."
Girl (turning to her friend): "Apparantley Jewish people are supposed to be ugly."

--Mr. Smith's, Georgetown


Luck of the . . . farm animals . . . to you?

Drunk twenty-something: "Dude, the girls love it when you do mooing sounds."

Other drunk twenty-something: [moos]

--Metro Center, Saturday 3/17

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Thursday, March 15, 2007

Have fun waiting for that bus. Better grab an Express to read.

Man points to the sign at the West Falls Church Metro station that says "West Falls Church / VT-UVA":

Man 1: "See that sign. There must be a bus that runs from here to campus."


Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Yeah, we had to look it up too.

Four computer technicians eating lunch at a burger joint:

One guy has some cheese on his mouth after taking a bite.

The guy across from him: Dude. You have a little schmegma on your mouth.

--Foggy Bottom

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

The ultimate fashion dilemma

Guy to his friends: "I can't run from the po-po in this jacket!"

-Metro, green line

Monday, March 12, 2007

He must have been an architect

A guy devours a plate of sliders at Porters on Friday night. A group of hungry people look on jealously.

Hungry Guy: Hey dude, how were those burgers?
Full Guy: Awesome. Expertly designed.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Even Leatherface has to eat

There is a woman ordering a sandwich rather loudly and flirting with the sandwich staff

Elderly Female Observer (who is standing right behind loud woman): "My god that woman has a loud voice. It sounds like a chain saw at a massacre."

--Connecticut and K Street Lunch Market

Some bathroom humor to get your morning moving

Two women get off of a Metrobus in the West End - the doors close, making a "gaseous" sound.

Woman 1: Um, did that bus just fart?
Woman 2: I think it did, ew.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Sounds like you ran into one of the EavesdropDC bloggers!

On the Circulator, around 6 PM. The driver announces that the next stop will be 19th and K.

Man: (shouting as he makes his way to the exit) That's it! That's the joint! That's the shit! I gotta drink me some beer! Gonna get DRUNK! My cokehead days are over, gimme a beer!


That's what I call a good first impression.

Girl, talking about a guy she had over the previous night: "It freaked me out. I told him he had to do a double flush, a courtesy flush, and light a match, or he wasn't allowed back."



Wednesday, March 07, 2007

And Han Solo was not played by Christopher Walken

Watching end credits of Return of the Jedi:

Girl: Where's Scott Baio?
Guy: What?
Girl: Scott Baio, I don't see his name in the credits.
Guy: Scott Baio was not in Star Wars!
Girl: Yes, he was! He was celebrating at the end! The pilot!
Guy: Scott Baio is not Wedge Antilles!


Monday, March 05, 2007

Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler . . .

Two National Science Foundation staffers talking:
Lady 1: "he said my behavior was willful professional misconduct."

Lady 2: "And then what?"

Lady 1: "I told him to suck my fat black dick."

Lady 2: "Creative. What'd he say to that?"

Lady 1: "He was real calm. He said: a) my comment was vulgar, rude, and highly unprofessional, and; b) completely illogical."

Lady 2: "Well, he's got a point, yeah."

Lady 1: "If he says another word to me, I'm gonna bust him with a stapler . . ."

--Ballston Mall food court

We feel your pain - and have felt up several of your exes.

"It's weird...all of the girls I dated turned slutty AFTER I dated them. It's totally unfair"


Friday, March 02, 2007

Inconvenient? Yes. Truth? Maybe.

Girl to guy: I hate bringing my coat, scarf and gloves and then having to carry them around all day.
Guy: Yea, this weather is crazy enough to make you believe Al Gore.
--Pentagon City