That does NOT come with your SmartTrip card

On a red line train near the New York Avenue station:

Very loud drunk guy: "Well, it's not like you saying any of this matters, he's gonna give me a blowjob right now anyway."
Very loud, whiney drunk girl: "But you didn't ask the Metro conductor!"

We're assuming they play for Delaware.

Softball Player Girl: "I don't know about you, but this is gonna be one long, drunken metro ride home."

Softball Player Boy: "Lucky, I have to drive."

--CAN Softball Tournament at Goddard Softball Fields

Boozers are better boyfriends

A couple of 20-something guys walking down L Street during lunch:

guy#1: So what about that girl?
guy#2: Well, I stopped drinking when I began dating her. Then I became very boring. ...And we're not dating anymore.
guy#1: Yeah, that happens sometimes.

Have you ever tried to come up with somebody's name . . . ON WEED!?

Bartender 1: "Hey, that guy is here. You remember him. That one with the thing."

Bartender 2: "Dude, I'm a stoner. You're going to have to be more specific than that."

Bar at Dave and Buster's, White Flint

Can it be both?

Buxom birthday girl: "I mean, I have drank a beer out of my own cleavage. Is that cool? Or weird?"

--Rumors

I know you are, but what am I?

Four drunk guys discussing percentages.

"You guys are idiots. What kind of math camp did you go to? 1 in 20 is totally 20%!"

--Red Line Metro

What kind of friend are you?

Girl on phone: "No, I will not contribute to your drug habits!"

-GW

Note from EavesdropDC: EavesdropDC is now on Facebook! Friend us!

Sounds like another great reality show for Fox.

Clearly drunk girl with a beer bong (to no one in particular): "I'll funnel YOU."

Random guy: "THAT'D be interesting."

--Near Foggy Bottom / GW metro station

Thank you, GW, for always giving us people to mock.

Girl on the phone: "This is the first Friday I haven't been hungover! I'm going to class, it's nice out, and I feel great!"

--GW, last Friday

Uhhhh, yeah, me neither.

Drunk guy to his friends: "Have you ever peed your pants at a bar?"

-Pat Troy's, Alexandria

George Washington will save children, but not the British children.

Drunk Girl 1: "I think George Washington would be so proud of us right now."

Drunk Girl 2: "Yeah he would! We drank so much, and we didn't even throw up. Why wouldn't he be proud?"

--Outside of 7-11 on 19th on GW campus

The teen years are where you really get your priorities straight.

Teen girl to friends: "If I didn't spend so much money at stores like this (shows price tag to friends), I would have money for weed."

--corner of M and Wisconsin

Is this man a better parent than Britney Spears? You decide.

Woman: "You don't even have a job!"

Man, with a baby in a stroller: "I sell drugs."

Woman: "That's not a job."

Man: "It is on the street."

--on the metro, red line near Fort Totten:

Who needs alcohol when you have coke?

Guy 1: "God, I'm so drunk."
Guy 2: "Haven't you been drinking Diet Coke all night?"
Guy 1: "Well yeah, but still...."

-- Near the 17th Street strip of bars

When you just can't wait to get back to your crack house

Two businessmen are walking down the street in Georgetown and see a group of three teenagers out front of a CVS carefully measuring cough syrup into a plastic cup.

Businessman: Uh, are they making meth on the street now?

Luck of the . . . farm animals . . . to you?

Drunk twenty-something: "Dude, the girls love it when you do mooing sounds."

Other drunk twenty-something: [moos]

--Metro Center, Saturday 3/17

Sounds like you ran into one of the EavesdropDC bloggers!

On the Circulator, around 6 PM. The driver announces that the next stop will be 19th and K.

Man: (shouting as he makes his way to the exit) That's it! That's the joint! That's the shit! I gotta drink me some beer! Gonna get DRUNK! My cokehead days are over, gimme a beer!

Where'd you get your PhD, Cheech? Drug school?

International Relations Professor: "If I was to go to San Diego, or any city I've never been to, give me 24 hours and I could tell you, what, where, by whom, and how much the drugs are sold for...[long pause]...and, depending on the drug, perhaps even the quality."

--GW

High above the mucky-muck . . .

Guy supplying pot to his buddies, after they light up and groan audibly: "It's pretty nasty, but I have a LOT of it."

--Tenacious D concert, Patriot Center

Heroin chic is so 5 minutes ago. Give me a meth addict any day.

Guy1: That girl's kinda cute.
Guy2: What?! She looks like a recovering heroin addict!
Guy1: Yea. Exactly.

--Foggy Bottom