Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Is it being directed by David Lynch?

After trailer for the new Alvin & The Chipmunks movie:

"It's time to embrace the darkness..."

--Potomac Yard

Monday, July 30, 2007

Someone failed civics!

Worker to his boss:

“When did we become independent…we the United States.”
--Foggy Bottom

Friday, July 27, 2007

He was president number 10.

At the corner of Wilson and Moore in Rosslyn.

Tourist girl #1: Oh, look! So, they named the streets after presidents!

Tourist girl #2: Which president was Moore?

[Long Pause]
Tourist Girl #1: Um, Dudley?

Tourist Girl #2: Oh, right! Dudley Moore. DUH!


Wednesday, July 25, 2007

More cornhole humor!

While discussing the popular bean-bag toss game "Cornhole" over lunch:

"Everyone in Ohio has a Cornhole."

- Office Lunchroom, Washington DC

There's no way this was taken out of context...

"I think I'll take the bean bag over the butt sex."


Monday, July 23, 2007

Avoid Steve Martin, VA

Young tourist guy #1: Chevy Chase Bank? What?
Young tourist guy #2: Dude, that actor guy has his own bank....Maybe when I become a washed-up actor, I can get my own bank.
Local: Or it could have to do with the fact that there is a city in Maryland called Chevy Chase.
Young tourist guy #1: Woah, he has a town named after him too?
Local: Never reproduce. Seriously.

~Farragut Square


Thursday, July 19, 2007

Great question!

little girl at Nationals game:

"There's a lot of people here...Why?"

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Bush's first task as mayor of DC - "liberate" Arlington

Tourist: Who is the mayor of DC? Is there a mayor?
DC Resident: Adrian Fenty.
Tourist: Oh, I thought maybe the President was the mayor of DC.

--Red Line


Tuesday, July 17, 2007

S&M gear - so that's where all his money's been going...

Female intern-types guzzling blue margaritas:

1: Bet McCain's into S&M.
2: I can see that.
1: Ever see the veins in McCain's head? They throb all day. I had a boyfriend like that.
2: Did he want to smack you around?
1: He wanted me to smack him around
2 Did you?
1: Psh. I am sooo not maternal.

--Hyatt Regency bar, Capitol Hill


Monday, July 16, 2007

More "Bodies" humor

A group of teenagers, apparently from a school group, have just come out of a gallery which displays fetuses in various stages of development.

Girl, to the group at large: So, why did they want us to go in there so bad?

Guy: Because they don't want us havin' the sex.

--Bodies exhibit in Rosslyn

Friday, July 13, 2007

There's nothing quite like a new vibrator on a Tuesday evening

Young woman 1: It's a good thing your bachelorette party is coming up soon, [name] really wants to go back to that sex shop.
Young woman 2: Like [name] really needs an occasion to go to the sex shop. Like, 'Excellent, it's Tuesday.'

--Gallery Place

The bakery?

Little Old Woman: Are you from Magnolia, dear?
Korean employee: ...do you mean Mongolia, ma'am?

--At Whole Foods in Clarendon

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Not to be confused with pork barrel (also prevalent on Capitol Hill and sounds much cooler than it really is)

Heard last night on Capitol Hill

Guy: I don't understand, what is "pork roll"?
Jersey Girl: It's hard to explain...It's like, if bacon married awesome and they had delicious babies


Wednesday, July 11, 2007

I see (and crave) dead people

Woman pointing at cadaver: "Oooh. I'd love one of those for home!"

--Bodies Exhibit, Rosslyn.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Transformers - Racism in Disguise

Ballston Theatre, July 7, 9:40pm showing of "Transformers"
Caution: contains spoilers

Black gentleman to friend, upon exiting movie "Transformers": Why'd the black robot have to die? It's always the black robot that dies.

Monday, July 09, 2007

I'm sooo happy it's Monday morning...

Prospect Street in Georgetown:
Man: I'm soooo full.
Woman: I'm sooo Mexican.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Patriotism and Poop Jokes - it's what America's all about

Where: Russell Senate Office steps - watching fireworks on the 4th
Who: An adorable 5 year old with his patient parents

Little tyke: "OOOooohh look green! Like St Patrick's Day! Remember when I made it St. Patrick's Day in the toilet?!?!?!"

It's all that hot air coming from congress...

At the Washington Monument on July 3:

Tourist: Are you from here?
Me: Yep.
Tourist: Do you know how they get all the flags to blow in the same direction?


Thursday, July 05, 2007

Oh, say can you see!

Group watching the fireworks in Rosslyn:

Girl: Do you think they are almost done?
Guy: I don't know - they are certainly throwing a lot of shit in the air right now.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

If you pay very close attention, you can observe the african american man in his natural environment

About 3pm, one tourist to another at the Folklife Festival:

"You're just looking for an excuse to take a picture of a black person."


Monday, July 02, 2007

That Bruce Willis is such a straight talker

Heard outside the theater before seeing the new Die Hard last night:

"Yippie ky yay motherfucker. It's John McCain's catchphrase"

And then heard leaving the theater:

"I'll sleep better tonight knowing that John McClane is out there protecting me"

Sounds like a perfect mercenary lobbyist in training to me

Scene: Crowded Metro, 6:15 p.m.

Tourist: So you live here?
Intern: Yes. Well, no. Just for a few weeks. I'm an intern at [association name redacted].
Tourist: What do you do there?
Intern: I don't know. There's some bill that's a really big deal or something. I make calls and talk to people on the Hill about it.
Tourist: What is the bill about?
Intern: I don't know. They never told me.