Monday, March 31, 2008

Morgan was the eleventeenth president, right?

P St. NW, at dinner.
Girl 1: What was that place I wanted to go to? The one with two presidents' names?
Girl 2: Adams Morgan?
Girl 1: Yeah!


Oh hell! Is Branch Avenue haunted?

Little girl: Can we ride the green line?
Mother: No.
Little girl: Why?
Mother, whispering: Because the green line goes to scary places.

-On the yellow line.

Friday, March 28, 2008

I'll give you this ring, if you give me...

20-something guy discussing his girlfriend's pressure to propose: I really do love her, but I don't think I'm ready for marriage. What am I supposed to do?
Slightly older married guy: Here's some advice - get anal before you get married. Otherwise you'll be denied forever.

--Bar in Farragut West

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Boozers are better boyfriends

A couple of 20-something guys walking down L Street during lunch:

guy#1: So what about that girl?
guy#2: Well, I stopped drinking when I began dating her. Then I became very boring. ...And we're not dating anymore.
guy#1: Yeah, that happens sometimes.


Wednesday, March 26, 2008

That's my standard greeting too

Waspy GW student getting out of a cab on 19th street, to the cab driver: "You're absolutely right, sir. A curse upon the Saudis."


Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Persistence is futile

Homeless man on sidewalk in Adams Morgan: You got some change?
Girl: No, sorry, no change.
Homeless man: Well I'll take dollars.
Girl: No, no cash at all.
Homeless man: Well, I'll walk with you to the ATM.

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Monday, March 24, 2008

Dignity sold separately

Twenty something girl teetering in pink heels towards the Farragut North Metro around 1pm on Saturday:

"God, I'm like frickin Walk of Shame Barbie right now..."

Friday, March 21, 2008

I think Banana Republic just found its new slogan.

Girl on cell phone:

"This guy at work kept hitting on me! [pause] NO my dress isn't slutty -- it's Banana Republic!"

--outside Farragut North metro

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Demographics '08 - old people love Hillary Clinton and Steven Seagal

Outside of Ben's Chili Bowl Tuesday night when they were setting up to film Russell Crowe movie -

Old (possibly tourist) lady: Well if Steven Seagal isn't in it, I'm not sticking around....


First I'll show her my O face, then my O sign. Oh... Oh... Oh...

NOVA Annadale campus--

Loud girl to a circle of friends: The ONLY thing he has in his room is a hugeass Obama poster over the bed. He was wearing an Obama shirt, too. It creeped me out!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

That's what she said! (She being China)

Heard in Dupont circle during the "Free Tibet" march on Saturday the 15th as two males watched marchers carrying signs. One guy turns to the other guy and says, "Dude, seriously, who is Tibet?"


Tuesday, March 18, 2008

I was going to say unemployed, but ok.

Girl 1: So my ex-boyfriend from college got a degree in Singing
Girl 2: So is he gay now?
Girl 1: No, he's an alcoholic

--Buffalo Billiards



Monday, March 17, 2008

Does that mean your marriage doesn't matter? Or is it just one long drinking game?

Woman 1: "Lets just get one thing clear right now. I'm still married to him."
Woman 2: "Yeah but it's bullshit. It's just bullshit."



I think this is a subtle argument for cannibalism...

Girl to guy: "I don't think the animal would appreciate you trying to have sex with it"
Guy to girl: "Well, you eat meat don't you? I don't think they appreciate that"
Girl to guy: "Yes, but eventually all animals will die. Not all animals will be forced to have sex with you."
Guy to girl: "Good point"

Friday, March 14, 2008

Are you sure she didn't say that you were too big of a dick?

A guy was walking on the corner of 21st and G NW, talking on his cell phone, sounding genuinely upset and he said, "yo, she said my dick was too big."



Thursday, March 13, 2008

Congratulations! You're having larvae!

US Government facility cafeteria
Setup: Husband and Wife taking breakfast to the cashier.

Wife: Wow, I got alot of food.
Husband: Yeah, but its ok. Lets just hope it keeps you full.
Wife: I doubt that.
Cashier: What, you got worms or something?
Husband: ...
Wife: Um... no. Pregnant.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Is it cliched to make a superpoke reference here?

when: late evening over dinner and drinks
where: capitol hill tavern
what: guy (to girl one): so what's the deal, are you two dating or what?

awkward pause.

girl one (under her breath): welllllll
girl two: ummmmm, hello! have you seen her facebook profile? it says "it's complicated!"

Tuesday, March 11, 2008


Two gay twenty-somethings in front of the George Washington bust by GWU.

asian gay: isn't that the guy on the dollar bill? whatshisname?
white gay: ummm, yeah. george washington.
asian gay: <>....and the quarter, too, right?
white gay: yes...
asian gay: which president was he?
white gay: the first. don't ever tell anyone in DC we had this conversation.


Monday, March 10, 2008

We believe a lot crazy talk comes out of GW - but we aren't sure we buy this one

[Editorial note: How would one even arrange a petting zoo to go? We call shenanigans]

Girl walking at GW campus on cell phone

"So it's our 8 month anniversary on Saturday and he said was going to send me thats good whatever...Well today he calls me to ask if I am going to be in my dorm at all. I told him no and that I was really busy and just told him to call the 1-800 Flowers and make arrangements for tomorrow. He was like it's not flowers its more of a production. He sent me a petting zoo!!! Yea exactly a petting zoo with a pony and a monkey and everything. So I told him I didn't want to be touching smelly animals and to just send me an edible arrangement."


Hobo economics

Broke guy: I'll give you a dollar if you give me two dollars!
(inside the Gallery Place Metro)

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Friday, March 07, 2008

Hey dude, I got a $4,000,000 bill I'll sell you . . . gimme a call; let's talk.

Guy at counter of a Chevy Chase Bank:

Guy: "So... do you guys have bills higher than $100?"

Teller: "No sir we don't."

Guy: "Where can I get bills higher than $100?"

Teller: "Well, you can go on Ebay. They sell $1,000 and $1,000,000 bills!"

Guy: "Can I exchange them here if I get one?"

Teller: "No you can't."

Thursday, March 06, 2008

She's on the ceiling of every bus in town

Woman in business attire on the D6 bus, talking on a cell phone, after the stop for 13th and H was announced:

"Did you hear that--the woman giving the announcement? It's the same woman every time. I wonder where she is."

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Have you ever tried to come up with somebody's name . . . ON WEED!?

Bartender 1: "Hey, that guy is here. You remember him. That one with the thing."

Bartender 2: "Dude, I'm a stoner. You're going to have to be more specific than that."

Bar at Dave and Buster's, White Flint


But your nonsense made so much sense

English girl #1: We'll have a death-proof party and it will be just like deformities.
English girl #2: Oh, right, yeah.
English girl #1: Wait, what the fuck did I just say?
English girl #2: Why the fuck did I agree with whatever you just said?
--in the cafe at the Black Cat

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Please include a Jello pudding pop with all of your TPS reports

"He's the Cosby of our office"

--West End

Hobos vs Hippies: The Epic Battle

Context: Connecticut Avenue around mid-day. Various Greenpeace fanatics around. One is professing her love of the environment on some yuppie. Another spots her next target: a tall man, long coat, just lit a cigarette.

"Hello! Hi!" says the young Greenpeace campaigner.
"Hey how goes it?" says the gruff tall man.
"Do you love the environment?"
"Yes, I do. I live in it." he says very matter of fact.
"That's great!" she exclaims.
"I'm homeless" he mentions.
"oh," her deflation is almost audible above the bustle of the street.

Then, deflated, the Greenpeace campaigner knows not the protocol for this certain situation and bids the tall gruff man goodbye. Love it.


Monday, March 03, 2008

The beauty of fatherly love

Dad: I don't want to hold your hand.
Little girl: Why not, Daddy? I want to hold your hand.
Dad: Little kids are gross. You put your fingers in your nose and pick them and do other things with them. I don't know where your hands have been!

--Metro Center