Friday, January 30, 2009

A friend of mine already tried selling Texas back to Mexico

A couple of 20-somethings in suits discussing the approved bailout:

Suit: you know what we should do? we should sell Alaska to the Russians to pay for the bailout funds that the US is never gonna get back!

--yellow line to Huntington

Thursday, January 29, 2009

She needs to head to Georgetown next time.

Girl 1 to Mall Cop: "Is there a sex shop in this mall?"
[Answer inaudible.]
Girl 2 to Girl 1: "I can't believe you asked that?"
Girl 1: "What? I asked him, and he didn't know so I asked if there was a toy shop here."
-Pentagon City Mall

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

BEST. Pick-up. line. EVER.

While passing by a sculpture of the seated Buddha, a middle-aged woman says to her middle-aged male friend "that's what I look like when I sit down"

--Sackler Gallery

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The annexation of America's hat begins

@the inauguration:

Excited Lady (standing on a concrete divider, pointing at random people): Where are you from?
Random Person A: Montana!
Excited Lady : Let's hear it for the great state of Montana!
Crowd: [cheers]
Excited Lady : You! Where are you from?
Random Person B: Chicago!
Excited Lady : Let's hear it for the great state of Illinois, birthplace of our new president!
Crowd: [cheers]
Lone voice in the crowd: He wasn't born there!
Excited Lady (ignoring lone voice): You, where do you hail from?
Random Person C: Toronto!
Excited Lady : Toronto?! Where's that?
Random Person C: Canada!
Excited Lady : Let's hear it for the great state of Canada!
Crowd: [laughter]

Monday, January 26, 2009

Some people are still out there looking for the food court

On the mall at 5:30 am, inauguration day:

Clearly a tourist: I feel really stupid.. I thought this was an actual mall. Like we were going to be watching this in front of Claire's.


Friday, January 23, 2009

Are you sure it was a bum? Madoff is still out on bail I think.

During inauguration, national mall.

Bum asking for money: "You all voted for change...NOW GIVE ME SOME CHANGE!"

Thursday, January 22, 2009

The only time it's ever been ok to boo a man in a wheelchair

On the jumbotron: man in a wheelchair was rolled out
Crowd: Booooooooooo!
Lady 1 (Turns around and asks): "wait, who is that"
Lady 2: Um, that would be Dick Cheney, the guy who has been VP for the past 8 years
Lady 1: Why is he in a wheelchair?
Lady 2: Because sometime during the process of stealing souls he lost use of his legs.
Lady 1: Oh.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

An Inauguration Nugget (send more!)

Where: On the Mall near 7th street and Constitution during the inauguration

Woman #1: (pushing through the crowd) Coming through, coming through. (Then stops moving).
Woman #2: Excuse me you can't just stop here in front of me.
Woman #1: Well where am I supposed to go?
Woman #2: Where were you before?
Woman #1: North Carolina.


Friday, January 16, 2009

That's how I start the New Year: In Denial

Three 20-somethings walking out of an apartment building:

Girl #1 to Girl #2: So what did you do today?
Guy (interrupting): She made the mistake of stepping on a scale.
Girl #2 (exasperated): That scale was not accurate!
Guy: Or you're just in denial.


Thursday, January 15, 2009

Now, were you trying to buy Spain . . . or was Spain trying to buy you?

Overheard yesterday at 17th and Rhode Island NW: "Girl, stop grillin' me. What is this, the Spanish Acquisition?"

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Madam Secretary, do you have a light?

A woman talking about why she was opposed to anyone being Secretary of State: "The President has enough secretaries anyway. I mean, how many people does it take to get him coffee and cigarettes and take his notes?"


Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Ladies and gents - I present the double fail

A group of teenage tourons waiting to see the Star Spangled Banner exhibit.

Touron #1: Tomorrow we're going to the Newseum.
Touron #2: What's the Newseum?
Touron #1: It's a museum of new stuff. You know, like steam engines and trains.

Monday, January 12, 2009

You stole our punchline!

Saturday afternoon - Rosslyn Metro station

Young Man 1 - "So I'm dating this great guy. He's with the Israeli military. Very sexy and out all the time. GREAT body."

Young Man 2 - "You just want to play with his gun."

Friday, January 09, 2009

Cowabunga man!

At a middle school in Prince William County...

Student, while reading a chapter in his History book on Italian Renaissance painters, Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello, and Michelangelo:

"Hey, look! There's a chapter in here about the Ninja Turtles!"

Thursday, January 08, 2009

More strippers!

Overheard on a flight from DC to Amsterdam

A couple had been bickering since waiting at the gate, but things went up a notch on the plane:

Girl to Guy: Do NOT dog-ear that book! I bought it with my own money that I earned getting naked.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

A girl after my own heart.

Overheard in the West End:

Two well-dressed 20-somethings walking down M Street:

Girl #1 to Girl #2: "She doesn't do it because she needs the money, she does it because she likes stripping."

Monday, January 05, 2009

Happy New Year!

At the CVS near Logan Circle on Vermont Ave. There was a female employee restocking shelves and her male friend following her around.

Male Friend: You know what monogamy means?
Female Employee: Yeah.
Male Friends. Like if I'm with someone, I can only have sex with that person. (long pause). Monogamy........that's crazy!!!