Ticket in the gate. Not as good as Dick in a box, but I could see JT rapping to it.

6 PM at the exit gates of Clarendon Metro Station:

Bewildered woman: "Excuse me, can I ask you a really dumb question? How do I get out of here?"

Man: "Um, you mean the station?"

Woman: "yes"

Man: "you go up that escalator up there."

Woman: "No, I mean like how do I get out of right here?"

Man: "Uh, remember how you got in with a ticket?"

Woman: "yeah"

Man: "put the ticket in the gate."

But the grass would be so whiny!

Guy to Woman friend in line at Murky Coffee in Clarendon: The floor here is so chic. They must have been like, how can we make this floor look chic? Let's strip off all of the tile. It's so emo. Hey, you know what I want? Emo grass. That stuff cuts itself.

Those who can't do . . .

Guy: "I started in aeronautical engineering. Got a 0.9 for my first semester and realized this just wasn't working out. So I switched to education."

-- Clarendon

More like a bat out of hell. . .

(Non-Jewish) Guy to Jewish girl: "I've decided that the question is not so much whether I'm going to hell, as how fast I'm going to get there. Like, will it be bullet train, or hot air balloon? Wait, do we even believe in hell?"

-- Clarendon

If by genius you mean self-imporant hipster, then yeah it's a genius bar.

Apple Store guy: If you just sit tight, someone from the Genius Bar will be with you shortly.
Guy with iPod issues: I have a real quick question. Do you think you could help me?
ASG: No. I'm not one of the geniuses.

-- Apple store in Clarendon

When you know she's not the one

Guy to Girl: I knew it could never work with her. I couldn't talk about fucking her mom.

--Clarendon

Help! My iPod displays a sad iPod icon ... and that is because you are stupid.

20-something girl at Apple "Genius Bar" repair center, getting her iPod fixed because it got wet.

Apple repair dude: "So how wet did your iPod actually get?"
Girl: "Well, it was just ONE wave, so..."

--Apple Store, Clarendon

You rob that cradle girl!

Drunk girl: OH my god, there were like so many cute guys there! That one guy talking to you in the green shirt? Grrr... I would totally hook up with him! Though he did graduate high school the same year I graduated college. That's kinda weird.

-- Clarendon Ballroom

We all need somebody to lean on

Girl to her "so-called" friends: "I mean, what exactly does she bring to our group of friends? I mean, with us, there's like this spark. And, with her, I mean, she's not really funny, she's not really nice, she's not anything. I mean, I guess, she's a good outlet when I want to talk ..."
-Mexicale Blues in Clarendon

The return of the guy in rumpled business suit with a crown of yellow flowers.

Guy in rumpled business suit with a crown of yellow flowers yelling while giving the peace sign driving down Clarendon Blvd: GOD LOVES YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-- Courthouse

What's your superpower?

Straight guy to straight guy: "I can make my dong vibrate."
-Clarendon Grill

good vibrations

Girl: "I mean, what do you expect -- when you bring out the vibrators, girls are going to start squealing..."
-Clarendon metro