When all you're left with is tired-ass jeans.

Overheard exiting the Dupont Metro Station ...

Two young guys (not overtly gay) standing on the Dupont escalator behind two girls ...

Girl #1 to Guy #1: "Excuse me ... but would you please stop staring at my friend's ass!"

Guy #1's response: "Bitch, puh-lease! You're in Dupont Circle ... and I was staring at them tired-ass jeans."

Girl #1's response grinning ear to ear: "I like you ... you're my new best friend."

Girl #2 looking shocked and slightly hurt: "And where does that leave me!?"