We call this the douchebag trifecta

Three quotes from the same guy at the Big Hunt:

Talking about a former relationship:

"He was the first guy who respected her after I stopped fucking her."

and

"If someone doesn't put a joint in my dead corpse's body if I die young, I'll be really pissed."

and

"She rubbed one out 3 of the 5 days in a week. She had a vibrator and everything. I know because I used it."