A friend of mine already tried selling Texas back to Mexico

A couple of 20-somethings in suits discussing the approved bailout:

Suit: you know what we should do? we should sell Alaska to the Russians to pay for the bailout funds that the US is never gonna get back!

--yellow line to Huntington

She needs to head to Georgetown next time.

Girl 1 to Mall Cop: "Is there a sex shop in this mall?"
[Answer inaudible.]
Girl 2 to Girl 1: "I can't believe you asked that?"
Girl 1: "What? I asked him, and he didn't know so I asked if there was a toy shop here."
-Pentagon City Mall

BEST. Pick-up. line. EVER.

While passing by a sculpture of the seated Buddha, a middle-aged woman says to her middle-aged male friend "that's what I look like when I sit down"

--Sackler Gallery

The annexation of America's hat begins

@the inauguration:

Excited Lady (standing on a concrete divider, pointing at random people): Where are you from?
Random Person A: Montana!
Excited Lady : Let's hear it for the great state of Montana!
Crowd: [cheers]
Excited Lady : You! Where are you from?
Random Person B: Chicago!
Excited Lady : Let's hear it for the great state of Illinois, birthplace of our new president!
Crowd: [cheers]
Lone voice in the crowd: He wasn't born there!
Excited Lady (ignoring lone voice): You, where do you hail from?
Random Person C: Toronto!
Excited Lady : Toronto?! Where's that?
Random Person C: Canada!
Excited Lady : Let's hear it for the great state of Canada!
Crowd: [laughter]

Some people are still out there looking for the food court

On the mall at 5:30 am, inauguration day:

Clearly a tourist: I feel really stupid.. I thought this was an actual mall. Like we were going to be watching this in front of Claire's.

Are you sure it was a bum? Madoff is still out on bail I think.

During inauguration, national mall.

Bum asking for money: "You all voted for change...NOW GIVE ME SOME CHANGE!"

The only time it's ever been ok to boo a man in a wheelchair

On the jumbotron: man in a wheelchair was rolled out
Crowd: Booooooooooo!
Lady 1 (Turns around and asks): "wait, who is that"
Lady 2: Um, that would be Dick Cheney, the guy who has been VP for the past 8 years
Lady 1: Why is he in a wheelchair?
Lady 2: Because sometime during the process of stealing souls he lost use of his legs.
Lady 1: Oh.

An Inauguration Nugget (send more!)

Where: On the Mall near 7th street and Constitution during the inauguration

Woman #1: (pushing through the crowd) Coming through, coming through. (Then stops moving).
Woman #2: Excuse me you can't just stop here in front of me.
Woman #1: Well where am I supposed to go?
Woman #2: Where were you before?
Woman #1: North Carolina.

That's how I start the New Year: In Denial

Three 20-somethings walking out of an apartment building:

Girl #1 to Girl #2: So what did you do today?
Guy (interrupting): She made the mistake of stepping on a scale.
Girl #2 (exasperated): That scale was not accurate!
Guy: Or you're just in denial.

--Ballston

Now, were you trying to buy Spain . . . or was Spain trying to buy you?

Overheard yesterday at 17th and Rhode Island NW: "Girl, stop grillin' me. What is this, the Spanish Acquisition?"

Madam Secretary, do you have a light?

A woman talking about why she was opposed to anyone being Secretary of State: "The President has enough secretaries anyway. I mean, how many people does it take to get him coffee and cigarettes and take his notes?"

Ladies and gents - I present the double fail

A group of teenage tourons waiting to see the Star Spangled Banner exhibit.

Touron #1: Tomorrow we're going to the Newseum.
Touron #2: What's the Newseum?
Touron #1: It's a museum of new stuff. You know, like steam engines and trains.

You stole our punchline!

Saturday afternoon - Rosslyn Metro station

Young Man 1 - "So I'm dating this great guy. He's with the Israeli military. Very sexy and buff...works out all the time. GREAT body."

Young Man 2 - "You just want to play with his gun."

Cowabunga man!

At a middle school in Prince William County...

Student, while reading a chapter in his History book on Italian Renaissance painters, Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello, and Michelangelo:

"Hey, look! There's a chapter in here about the Ninja Turtles!"

More strippers!

Overheard on a flight from DC to Amsterdam

A couple had been bickering since waiting at the gate, but things went up a notch on the plane:

Girl to Guy: Do NOT dog-ear that book! I bought it with my own money that I earned getting naked.

A girl after my own heart.

Overheard in the West End:

Two well-dressed 20-somethings walking down M Street:

Girl #1 to Girl #2: "She doesn't do it because she needs the money, she does it because she likes stripping."

Happy New Year!

At the CVS near Logan Circle on Vermont Ave. There was a female employee restocking shelves and her male friend following her around.

Male Friend: You know what monogamy means?
Female Employee: Yeah.
Male Friends. Like if I'm with someone, I can only have sex with that person. (long pause). Monogamy........that's crazy!!!