Your chariot awaits.

Group headed toward Dupont Circle:

Girl 1: I am too high maintenance for a cab.

Girl 2: I don't think I have met anyone too high maintenance for a cab before.

--Connecticut at N

We're baaaaaaaaaaaaaack! [And we still prefer PBR to Scotch]

Overhead in the connecting hallway between the National Counterterrorism Center and the Office of the Director of National Intelligence:

20-Something Guy, in his trendy patterned square-toe shoes: "I know I'm old because I'm drinking scotch now."

Closed for Christmas

EavesdropDC will be closed for the next few days to celebrate Santa giving birth to baby Jesus on Hanukkah or something. We'll be back on Monday. Unless we get another sweater this year. Then we might go on a mad rampage and get ourselves locked up. Anyway, enjoy the season.

Drunk dialing isn't the only booze and phone related injury - don't let it happen to you!

Girl in Gallery (on GW campus): "I don't get it. My mom kept calling me last night, and I kept answering, and each time I was more drunk. How did this happen? oh and then she told me who I should have sex with...thanks slut"

Yeah, cus when I think sketchy, Gtown comes to mind...

Saturday night in the bathroom of Old Glory in Georgetown:

Drunk girl 1: Do you want to leave and go to Bethesda for the rest of the night?
Drunk girl 2: Yeah sure, that's fine.
Drunk girl 1: I just feel more comfortable in Bethesda. Those are my people. DC's kind of sketchy, you know?

That's not picky, that's what we call high standards.

Checking out at Giant in Alexandria:

Cashier: "I only use Charmin Toilet paper; if a place doesn't have it, I bring my own."

Customer: "Wow, you're picky."

Cashier: "I'm picky about my men too; they have to have all of their teeth."

Stupidity like this makes my head hurt

In the American Wars and Politics section at the National Museum of American History:

Woman: I am so lucky my family fled Germany before the Nazis invaded!

Man: You mean Poland?

Woman: What? The Nazis were from Poland?

Man: No - your family is from Poland.

Woman: Where were the Nazis from?

Haha! You have to resort to gimmicks to find love (I'm so lonely)

Thursday night at the Dupont Circle metro stop:

"Hurry! We're going to be late for speed dating!" - 20-something guy yelling frantically to his female buddy who was stuck at the metro turnstile.

"SHHHHHHHHHHHH!" - Female Buddy turning bright red as she shushed him and wrestled with the ticket taker.

Metro likes it dirty.

Friday night on Red Line after significant Metro delays:

Guy on the phone with his wife: "Honey, I feel so dirty. My hands smell so bad, like... Metro!"

There's only one Burger King (and hopefully there's a BK ad directly above this headline)

Drunk Guy wearing paper 'medieval times' crown and drunk guy dressed as a court jester randomly encounter on Kalorama

Jester: I'm the king!!!!
Crown Hat: You're a jester!!!!
Jester: No, your the king!!!!

Then why are we in the toothpaste aisle?

In the next aisle at the CVS at 21st & M -

Very excited woman: Oh, did I tell you? I'm getting my new teeth this month! Real ones this time!
Confused but supportive guy: ....Really?

Isn't it enough that we put Fillmore on Mount Rushmore?

We were going from Pentagon to L'enfant Plaza and we heard a tourist point to the Lincoln Memorial and tell her pre-pubescent son, "And that there is the Millard Fillmore Memorial"

Funshine bear will #$@! you up

Overheard in the Ronald Reagan Building.

Redhead 1: I'm at the bottom of the caring barrel.
Redhead 2: (Getting into the Care Bear stance) Do you need a care stare?

You were trying to call him machoist aren't you?

Last night, gelman starbucks at GW

boy to his friend: yea, well he's just a masochist.
friend has a confused look.
boy: no i mean, chauvinist. no wait. sexist. he's a sexist chauvinist.

Well, that and glue. It's what holds our insides together.

Husband to wife while shopping:

"Everyone eats Play-Doh. It's part of the American diet."

And number one on the billboard list this week is...

Outside the White House. A bike messenger whizzes by.

Bike Messenger (in song) into his nextel push-to-talk phone: And baby, you can lick my balls tonight.

Pot calling the kettle black

Tourist family pointing out various stops on a platform station map: "We could get off at Potomac (pronounced Pot-o-mac) station then walk to the cemetery."

Guy in a suit standing near by corrects the pronunciation.

Tourist lady smiles and says thanks.

Train pulls up.

Tourist lady says to family: "Let's go in this car, that guy's a prick."

That does NOT come with your SmartTrip card

On a red line train near the New York Avenue station:

Very loud drunk guy: "Well, it's not like you saying any of this matters, he's gonna give me a blowjob right now anyway."
Very loud, whiney drunk girl: "But you didn't ask the Metro conductor!"

But he can't jiggle

"He has, like, the IQ of jello." - random college girl on Marymount shuttle bus, Ballston