All this talk of 7-11, now I want a Slurpee

Two (presumably) freshman girls at the 7-Eleven on GW's campus:

One girl to the other: "Well, she had to flush the condom SOMEWHERE!"

What a clever name for a place

Tourist: What's the Holocaust Museum about?
Information Desk Volunteer: ...the Holocaust...?

--Hirshhorn

Favorite music does not include Nirvana

In Jumbo Slice in Adams Morgan and two girls were talking about a dating site and one explains: I didn't want to put "any" in my profile 'cause I didn't want anybody into Buddhisism...you know, like, BUDDHISISM! That would be too weird for me.

(Editor's Note: that's how the religion was spelled in the email we got - not sure if that's what the girl said or if it's just a typo).

Scrambled Eggs at Security Threat Level Orange

Heard in the cafeteria at the National Counterterrorism Center:
Lady 1: (spooning some sausage gravy over her scrambled eggs)...
Lady 2: "Ewwww!"
Lady 1: "Yo, don't diss my chow, bee-yotch."

We're letting this one stand on its own.

Boss man to staff: Growing up, there was a kid on my block who was a lot like John McCain. His team was losing touch football 10-75 so he said, "um my mom needs me" and ran home, and, of course, took the ball with him. That's John McCain."

-- Downtown

EavesdropDC loves crock pots.

[Female GW student walking through GW campus with her friends and past a crazy homeless man.]

Crazy Homeless man: "Hey there little bunny, I can assist you with your rabbit tonight!"

(Girl ignores comment and keeps walking)

Crazy Homeless man to himself: "Ooh I would LOVE to put her slow cooker."

--GW

Tonight we're gonna party like it's 1929!

On an elevator in S.W.

Older man: What's this thing going to cost?
Another man: $1 trillion
Older man: $1 trillion! And they just lost all my money. No one asked me if I wanted to bail those sorry motherfuckers out.

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE! (Come on, we had to)

Adult to a kid holding a pizza box: "Now, remember what I told you about holding the box right side up. If you hold it on its side, you'll end up with a pizza milkshake, and nobody likes a pizza milkshake!"

-Bethesda

Ahhh yuppies in training, or just YITS as we like to call them.

Five year old soccer player to her teammates: It's just like tennis, you have to keep your eye on the ball!!

-- Capitol Hill

All tied up

Gay Guy 1: "He is so hot. I would love to tie him up and do all kinds of obscene things to his body."
Guy Guy 2: "Why would you want to tie him up?"
Gay Guy 1: "Uh, hello? Because he'd run?"

-- 1409 Playbill Cafe

Except when beer is beer for the morning.

"Coffee is like beer for the morning"

--West End

She's just being Miley!

Staffer 1: Well you know she posed topless, right?
Staffer 2: What?! When did that happen?
Staffer 1: Oh, back in the day.

-- 13th and H

Empirical evidence if I ever heard some

Guy 1: I think her new dude is gay.
Guy 2: Yeah, he just doesn't know it. But come on, he wears knickers!
Girl: Will you guys shut up? The guy I'm fucking is not gay!

I also love small, independent, and ethnic eateries

On the metro...

Woman 1: i love TGIFridays but if i could pick any local place to go for dinner tonight, i would pick olive garden
Woman 2: oooh, good pick! what about macaroni grill?
Woman 1: i love macaroni grill! but isn't it a little fancy for tonight?
Woman 2: no, we can go change
Woman 1: are you sure you're ok with driving in this city?
Woman 2: sure, it is ok
Woman 1: maybe we should pray before we leave... you know, just in case
Woman 2: great idea

Sexual harassment done right?

Middle-aged woman on her cell phone at 17th and Massachusetts: "Unless he doubles my salary, I'm not sleeping with him."

Sounds like someone needs a lawnmower

Location: Outside of Cone-e Island on GW Campus

Female Student: The grass is always greener.
Male Student: No, I don't want your grass. Fuck your grass!

Busted!

High school aged girl on the phone: Hi Dad! ... I'm at school trying out for dance team.

-Potbelly's at Ballston

If Abbott and Costello ran Starbucks....

It's always special when you can witness someone's first time at Starbucks:

Barista: Here's your tall latte, sir.
Customer: Oh, that's not mine. I ordered a small.
Barista: Tall IS small, sir.
Customer: Tall is small?
Barista: Yes, tall is small.
Customer: Tall is small. Hmmm. Why on Earth would you use tall for small?
Barista: [Long explanation of Tall, Grande, and Venti origins.]
Customer: Whatever.

-Maryland

When all you're left with is tired-ass jeans.

Overheard exiting the Dupont Metro Station ...

Two young guys (not overtly gay) standing on the Dupont escalator behind two girls ...

Girl #1 to Guy #1: "Excuse me ... but would you please stop staring at my friend's ass!"

Guy #1's response: "Bitch, puh-lease! You're in Dupont Circle ... and I was staring at them tired-ass jeans."

Girl #1's response grinning ear to ear: "I like you ... you're my new best friend."

Girl #2 looking shocked and slightly hurt: "And where does that leave me!?"

They either mean sex toys or they're plotting a coup

Twenty-something woman in the Old Town Alexandria Trader Joe's:

"Us girls are going to get together and fire up our robots."

Double your pleasure, double your fun!

In a GW dorm lobby, two fratty passers-by:

"Dude...just because you can get with one of them doesn't mean you can automatically have a twin threesome."

Not what MLK meant when he said "I have a dream."

Girl: So I hear Stevie Wonder is performing at the DNC tonight.

Guy: Oh? Well someone should tell him Obama's black. He may want to know that.

Girl: Someone should also tell him he's black. He may want to know that too.

Guy: Nah, let him have his dreams.

Overheard on the Orange Line.

The metric system is the tool of the devil!

At the pool in a Crystal City apartment:

Guy 1: How many feet are in a meter?

Guy 2: 3.3 feet in a meter.

Guy 1: Is that less than a yard?

Uh oh, the tourists have started to venture off the Mall!

Tourist boy to a pack of friends at USDA Farmer's Market" "...and that put me off water in my juice for life."

[Eavesdrop DC recommends you try GIN]