Classy!

Annoyed guy walking with his girlfriend in Georgetown: "Whatever.... we can do it anally tonight if you want"

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Tourons on Red Line from Silver Spring -

Kid 1: This is gonna go underground!
Kid 2: This is gonna go underground? Mom, its going to go down?
Mom: Yes, the train will go underground
Kid 2: But you mean, like down a hill?
Mom: (pauses) Not like a roller-coaster.
Kid 2: (turns back around and crosses arms) Well that's no fun.

Wow - Cookie Monster is kind of a dick

Guy on Cell: Ok, I'm getting past amused and into annoyed now. Just give me a straight answer or I swear, by Christ, I will burn those tickets and send you video of it. You said they were at your apartment, then you said they were eaten by the highway, which I don't even understand. Where are the fucking cookies??

Overheard at Courthouse Metro Station

Wait there was a pirate themed party and we weren't invited? ARRRRR

Interns at a pirate themed party:

guy 1: That's a pretty sweet pirate hat. Where'd you get it?

guy 2: Vienna

guy 1: There are PIRATES in VIENNA?!?

A squirrel we can believe in!

While walking through the National Zoo, a 30ish black man and his family:

"Hey check that out! It's a black squirrel!"
"Yo! It's an Obama squirrel!"

[Unrelated side note: Check out the new link in our sidebar. It's for First Book's campaign "What Book Got you Hooked?"
Basically, First Book is inviting readers (and you eavesdroppers) everywhere to name the first book from childhood that made reading fun. Those who submit what book got them hooked on the website then vote for any state of their choice to receive 50,000 new books for low-income youth. Some come on; do some good for the DC/MD/VA schools and submit your book and vote!]

Coppertone's new slogan: "Touching is gross."

Two guys at the pool, one rubbing sunblock on the other's back:

"See dude, THIS is why we should have brought the spray kind."

-Pentagon City apartment

Let's hope William & Mary don't have any wardrobe malfunctions!

Woman on metro: I go to William & Mary - [former FCC commissioner] Michael Powell basically runs the place now.
Guy sitting next to her: So do you get fined every time you say 'fuck' on campus?

This is how the machines will replace us, men.

Mid-20's woman playing with her new iphone on blue line evening rush
hour around pentagon.

Boyfriend: Are you going to leave me for your new iphone?

Woman with phone: No, honey, I still have SOME uses for you.

Woman #2: Though it does have vibrate.

Cats and dogs, living together! aaaaahhhh!

17th and Pennsylvania:
Female DNC Worker: Hi, sir, do you have a minute for Barack Obama?
Guy: No, I'm a McCain supporter.
Female DNC Worker: Okay, well, have a great day!
Guy (stops): You're cute though...what are you doing for dinner?
Female DNC Worker: ....seriously?

Let's hope that never happens...

*gov. male intern discussing photoshopped photos of the Iranian missile launch*

Guy: can you IMAGINE what's gonna happen when they get iMovie?!!

Yay for creepy sports metaphors!

Guy to another guy: Dude, she's way out of your league. She's in the major's and you're a tee-ball coach with questionable photos on your computer.

Luxury public transportation

Guy to girl in Springfield Mall:

"I gotta BMW. Bus. Metro. Walking."

Gay envy

Somewhere around 12th and E:

Girl to companion: "I am so jealous of Amy... she's got way more guts than I do. If I ever become a lesbian, I'm totally stealing her idea of how to come out to my parents."

Monkey names should be somewhat respectable. Mr. Chompers, for example.

Guy #1: I mean he's so dumb, Chompers the Monkey could do his job. Seriously. Why do we even keep him around the office?

Guy #2: Wait, who is Chompers the Monkey?

Guy #1: I don't know. Some fictitious monkey. I made him up, he's hypothetical. Anyway back to what I was saying about Glenn*. He's such an idiot..

Guy #2: No, wait...hold on. Who names their pet monkey Chompers? Seriously, that's a crappy name for a monkey.

Guy #1: I don't know. People. Look, forget about Chompers ok?

Guy #2: No, I'm not sure I can. And don't frustrated with me. You're the one who brought up Chompers in the first place. So if you wanted to keep this conversation on Glenn*, perhaps you should've used a less fantastical hypothetical example.

Overheard: K St. Cosi

Good to know that the second coming likes Pandas

On the walk back from the National Zoo, near the Adams Morgan Metro station.

Scruffy, urchin-like boy, perhaps 11 or 12, to the older sister/mother figure he's walking with:

Boy: Do you think I could be the end of time?

Pause, as if considering it himself.

Boy: I probably am!

Every conversation should start with "Speaking of boobs,"

Two college age girls sitting across from each other having coffee.

Girl 1: "Speaking of boobs, are you still working at Camelot?"
Girl 2: "No, I found out the money's better at [inaudible]. I just went over there."
Girl 1: "Aw, that sounds great! I'll have to come see you!"
Girl 2: "The food's not as good though."

That little boy has a more exciting love life than I do

A tourist family walking in front of the National Gallery of Art, early afternoon July 5.

Mom: What would Carol think of all this?
Son (about 7-8 years old): Her name is Coral, and I told you we broke up!

We'd ask you to be our MySpace friend, but we don't want to be creepy

Tourist Mom: "This will make a good MySpace photo!" (trying to get girl to smile for photograph)
Tourist Girl: "MySpace is for creeps!!"

Give me taxonomy or give me death!

July 4th at the Museum of Natural History, in the rotunda...

Tourist, girl around 20, "...oh look, its a dinosaur!"

The figure in the middle of the rotunda is an ELEPHANT!

But, it's so hard to keep ALL of the voices I hear straight.

Outside of Dept. of Agriculture 07/02/08

Two men, 30's, business suits, walking swiftly
Guy 1: "...OF COURSE you have a personality...can't you hear it when you speak?"

Guy 2: "..."

He couldn't live without her

Eastern Market at lunch time
One girl is standing at the bus stop and sees her friend walk by.

Girl 1: Hey girl, what's up how's your summer? You still runnin' 'round with that bad boy?
Girl 2: Oh no, he dead.
Girl 1: He dead?! No! He dead? When?
Girl 2: Few weeks ago. It don't matter. We weren't goin' out no more.

But not Bowhunting?

Girl intern: what are you going today?
Guy intern: ugh. you know. teaching old people [how to use] Excel