No seersucker before Memorial Day ever!

Girl: Do you work on the Hill?
Guy in seersucker suit: No, but everyone asks me that. I consider seersucker to be a fat man's muumuu.

-- Elevator at 2000 Penn

Mmm.. soil on the cob

"This popcorn tastes like dirt - do you think that's what they mean by organic?"

--West End

The CIA is onto us!

Apparently they don't like competition in the eavesdropping industry. Our mole inside the CIA has asked us to take down his two droppings - due to a "an overzealous and uncompromising security atmosphere." We've complied - mostly because we don't want to "disappear".

Preserve it forever - just like your virginity

Giant nerd to friend after getting a dvd autographed by Simon Pegg: "Do you have the plastic bag ready? Sweet ass!"

--Arlington Cinema and Drafthouse

That's what I call succinct.

Children are listing historical figures they like:

Little girl: "Rosa Parks....and Abraham Lincoln...and George Washington...and George Bush..."

Girl's Mom: "We don't like George Bush. He did some fucked up shit."

-- L'Enfant Plaza

I'm not sure we want to start the day off with a little racism, but . . .

Guy hitting on a girl:

Guy: ". . . So, then I worked for the Kerry Campaign . . ."

Girl: "You worked for Kerry?"

Guy: "Yeah."

Girl: "I used to be pretty liberal too, but then I moved to DC and met all of these minorities."

--Brass Monkey

We really want Google to put some prophylactic ads on our site today

Drunk 20-Something: "Hey.... HEY! BACKDOOR! (gets off the back door of the bus, immediately gets back on the front) Where's myticket? I HAD my TICKET.... (suddenly looks out the window) You fuckin' without a rubber?? She been fuckin' without a rubber! That's how I got that shit!"

--70 Bus, Southbound, in front of Verizon Center

Babys R Us -- Because the Condom Broke

Woman on cell phone: "I don't see why I should have to buy her a gift just because the condom broke."

-Farragut area

A little leftover St Patty's day cheer

Girl: Well, Scottish and Irish are basically the same.
Guy (indignant, apparently Scottish): They are completely different! We even have our own holiday. I can’t remember when it is (long pause) or what it’s called.
Girl: Yeah, sounds like your heritage is really important to you.
Guy: It usually just involves taking a six pack of McEwans to Bob’s place.

--Metro Center

Man, that shit is Asian . . . fo' real.

On the Chinatown-Chinatown Apex bus to NYC, as a romantic comedy is played on the overhead screens.

Guy: "Man, this is bullshit. Put on some a' that Jackie Chan, Bruce-Mothafuckin-Lee shit. That shit is Asian fo' real."

This story would be so much better if she still went home with him at the end of the night

Guy: "So, you're Jewish?"

Girl: "Yeah."

Guy: "You don't look Jewish. You're pretty."

Girl (turning to her friend): "Apparantley Jewish people are supposed to be ugly."

--Mr. Smith's, Georgetown

Luck of the . . . farm animals . . . to you?

Drunk twenty-something: "Dude, the girls love it when you do mooing sounds."

Other drunk twenty-something: [moos]

--Metro Center, Saturday 3/17

Have fun waiting for that bus. Better grab an Express to read.

Man points to the sign at the West Falls Church Metro station that says "West Falls Church / VT-UVA":

Man 1: "See that sign. There must be a bus that runs from here to campus."

Yeah, we had to look it up too.

Four computer technicians eating lunch at a burger joint:

One guy has some cheese on his mouth after taking a bite.

The guy across from him: Dude. You have a little schmegma on your mouth.

--Foggy Bottom

The ultimate fashion dilemma

Guy to his friends: "I can't run from the po-po in this jacket!"

-Metro, green line

He must have been an architect

A guy devours a plate of sliders at Porters on Friday night. A group of hungry people look on jealously.

Hungry Guy: Hey dude, how were those burgers?
Full Guy: Awesome. Expertly designed.

Even Leatherface has to eat

There is a woman ordering a sandwich rather loudly and flirting with the sandwich staff

Elderly Female Observer (who is standing right behind loud woman): "My god that woman has a loud voice. It sounds like a chain saw at a massacre."

--Connecticut and K Street Lunch Market

Some bathroom humor to get your morning moving

Two women get off of a Metrobus in the West End - the doors close, making a "gaseous" sound.

Woman 1: Um, did that bus just fart?
Woman 2: I think it did, ew.

Sounds like you ran into one of the EavesdropDC bloggers!

On the Circulator, around 6 PM. The driver announces that the next stop will be 19th and K.

Man: (shouting as he makes his way to the exit) That's it! That's the joint! That's the shit! I gotta drink me some beer! Gonna get DRUNK! My cokehead days are over, gimme a beer!

That's what I call a good first impression.

Girl, talking about a guy she had over the previous night: "It freaked me out. I told him he had to do a double flush, a courtesy flush, and light a match, or he wasn't allowed back."

-GW

And Han Solo was not played by Christopher Walken

Watching end credits of Return of the Jedi:

Girl: Where's Scott Baio?
Guy: What?
Girl: Scott Baio, I don't see his name in the credits.
Guy: Scott Baio was not in Star Wars!
Girl: Yes, he was! He was celebrating at the end! The pilot!
Guy: Scott Baio is not Wedge Antilles!

--Arlington

Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler . . .

Two National Science Foundation staffers talking:

Lady 1: "he said my behavior was willful professional misconduct."

Lady 2: "And then what?"

Lady 1: "I told him to suck my fat black dick."

Lady 2: "Creative. What'd he say to that?"

Lady 1: "He was real calm. He said: a) my comment was vulgar, rude, and highly unprofessional, and; b) completely illogical."

Lady 2: "Well, he's got a point, yeah."

Lady 1: "If he says another word to me, I'm gonna bust him with a stapler . . ."

--Ballston Mall food court

We feel your pain - and have felt up several of your exes.

"It's weird...all of the girls I dated turned slutty AFTER I dated them. It's totally unfair"
--GW

Inconvenient? Yes. Truth? Maybe.

Girl to guy: I hate bringing my coat, scarf and gloves and then having to carry them around all day.

Guy: Yea, this weather is crazy enough to make you believe Al Gore.
--Pentagon City