It's like proficiency in Excel and Bowhunting is all employers care about these days

Ledroit Park, 30-something guy walking by on his cell phone, totally serious:
"... and they don't even care about all my kung fu skills!"

Oxygen, not so much.

"Lifetime is Gangsta"

--Froggy Bottom Pub

You should see an internist. Or editor.

Co-worker 1: Are either of you any good with reviewing grammar?
Co-workers 2&3: What?
Co-worker 1: (yells) I'M HAVING COLON PROBLEMS!

Someone was on the Kiss Cam w/too many boys!

"Yes, if I get the job at the CDC I will celebrate your chlamydia as an inspirational story." - girl to her female friend at the Nats game on Tuesday night

Too many jokes possible! Eavesdrop DC overload!

On the red line at rush hour:

Girl 1: Well, it's not technically an office romance.

Girl 2: People frown on dating interns. Look at Monica Lewinsky!

Never said you SMELLED cute

Two College aged girls walking down M street towards Georgetown.

Girl 1: You look cute. I like your dress.
Girl 2: Yeah...I didn't shower.

Too bad he doesn't know the girls from the last post

20-something blonde sitting next to her 3 blonde friends:

Guy appears: So when do i get to meet that one hot blonde friend of yours?
Girl: how many times do I have to tell you! I HAVE NO HOT BLONDE FRIENDS

--GW

Now that you mention it, I've been horny for two decades!

Two girls in the La Tasca bathroom on 1/2 price sangria pitcher night:

Blonde girl 1: Oh my god, I am so horny!

Blonde girl 2: Okay, I have been really horny for a long time!

Time to ditch the briefs

Walking home from Tenley Metro stop, a guy and girl are walking uphill toward me:

Guy (normal tone voice): Well, uh... heh... it's sort of awkward and graphic, but.... Well, okay. So my balls started hurting really badly, and I couldn't figure out why....

Tiger Woods is a beast.

Female Hill Staffer: "Why is Tiger wearing red and black again?"

Male Hill Staffer: "It must be his 'Championship' colors because he always wears it on Sunday"

Female Hill Staffer: "He probably wears it when he knows he's taking bitches down too"

--the Hill

Not so much crude as violent

In elevator:

Girl on phone: Not to be crude or anything, but I just kinda want her
to choke on Teflon.

Two guys hurriedly close elevator and exchange frighten stares.

--GW

Prepare to be boarded!

College Aged Male 1: The train to Huntington is ARR.
College Aged Male 2: ARR...it's a pirate train.

Dude, he got hit by a girl.

Overheard Coming Out of Rockville Courthouse:

Lawyer 1: "So she's trying to prove that she had a reasonable right to punch the policeman in the face."

Lawyer 2: "Well, that makes sense."

Just fine thanks, and yours?

Mid-twenties guy leaving voicemail: "Hey baby, just calling to say hi. How are your boobs?"

-Brickskeller

Survivor: Olney, MD

Two woman on Red Line to Glenmont.

Woman 1: "I need to get into one of those sleeper cells"

Woman 2: "What?!"

Woman 1: "You know one of those beds where you can control how firm it is, cause [my husband] likes it too firm."

Woman 2: "No you mean the sleep number bed. Sleeper cells are terrorists groups. You get into a sleeper cell and you would be sleeping at Gitmo on the floor."

Woman 1: "The bed is so hard that it feels like that. See I am so toughened by this bed thing, I could survive Gitmo if I had to sleep on the floor."

Woman 2" "You are from Olney--You couldn't survive the Green Line let alone Gitmo!"

Hey, I bet I can think of one.

Woman: "So this boy I've been stalking broke up with me for no good reason . . ."

-DC office building

Another Liar!

June 4: Woman on cell in J.Crew: "You might need to go pick her up, I'm at the museum."

Also see: Liar or Lost?

HRC's an open minded lady - I'm sure she's cool with either.

At the Hillary speech on Saturday, behind the podium, 2 young campaign staffers discussing hand signals to wave in the air.

Staffer, making the 'metal' sign: wait, is this 'I love you' or 'I believe in the devil'?

There aren't many bands that can pull off "Father of Mine"

Two guys at Crystal City Rocks Everclear concert:

"Hey, sounds like that band is playing Everclear songs."

Sure! No problem! And then after that, let's swing over to Hawaii for some mai-tais.

Traveler with heavy European accent: "So, can we drive to the Grand Canyon one day? We'd really like to see it while in America."

--Dulles Airport Baggage Claim

Franklin was third. That's why they are on our money. Duh.

Guy hitting on girl: "So what do you do?"
Girl: "I work on campaigns."
Guy: "Oh, I don't know much about politics or government."
Girl: "And you live here?"
Guy: "Well I know that George Washington was the first President and Abraham Lincoln was the second. That's something right?"
Girl, after an awkward pause: "How do you survive in this town?"

Classic.

--Cap Lounge

Sticks and Stones

A little girl, probably about 5 or 6, was walking in the zoo with her dad. She starts dropping french fries one by one:

Dad: "Why are you dropping french fries?"

Girl: "To feed them"

Dad: "No one wants your old french fries."

Girl: "YOU'RE AN OLD FRENCH FRY!"

--National Zoo

We get it, you like to bang

A group of co-workers are enjoying lunch outside and discussing—what else—latex condoms.

Female Co-worker: It’s always best to find out if you’re allergic to latex first… I speak from experience…

[Long pause.]

[Male co-worker coughs.]

--West End

It's Intern season!

In a downtown office:

Intern turns to full-time employee: So is the Washington Post a DC paper or a Washington state paper?
Full-time employee: Um, DC....

If it did, Rachel Ray would be president

[Waiting in line at Dunkin Donuts, a group of 7 or 8 year old soccer players and a motherly figure.]

Smart Kid: You know, America doesn’t actually run on Dunkin.
--Potomac Yards