LOL! I mean LOC!

At The Library of Congress,
A girl walking with a boy, turns to him and exclaims..."Look! There are books!!"

Don't even get me started on how he obliterated that burrito...

Overheard, during breakfast, in the cafeteria at the National Counterterrorism Center:

Guy 1: "...but..."
Guy 2: "There are no buts about it! If he were a real man, he'd have eaten that taco. He would have annihilated it."
Guys: Chorus of affirmative noises from the crew at the table...

The drinking games will start AFTER the polls close.

From the teacher at a election-worker training class held by the DC Board of Elections and Ethics:

"Election day will be a long day. Make sure to bring plenty of food and drinks. And by drinks, I don't mean alcohol."

TRICK or treat!

Three guys were talking and one says "...she must have been a prostitute at some point in her life."
--Metro,yellow/green line from Chinatown to Columbia Heights

Yes, but more self conscious

.. Someone holding a small rubik’s cube (but still 3x3 squares on each side)

“You know, I never had luck with the big ones.. maybe the smaller ones are easier”

Folksy remarks from the suburbs

An Office in Mclean:

Woman on the phone: "They're so quiet you could hear a rat piss on cotton!"

Two words, eight letters, three syllables

On orange line towards New Carrollton, flustered, girl with many packages is trying to get off train and bumps into grouchy middle-aged lady

Angry lady: "EXCUSE me is the word!"

Flustered Girl: "Oh, I'm so sorry!"

Girl's gay boyfriend: "...Actually, excuse me is two words."

There's a man of real principle.

On Sunday, I overheard three guys walking out of Whole Foods as one of them says:

"I make a policy of not changing my facebook status in the first three months of dating someone."

And that's why we put him on the penny.

Tourist 1: Do you wanna go to Ford's Theatre?

Tourist 2: Whats that?

Tourist 1: Its that place Lincoln shot that one guy....Booth I think?

Tourist 2: Oh.

There's always one smartass, usually it's me...

Girl 1: I'm a huge Alabama fan, what's your favorite team?
Guy 1: Oh I'm not much of a college football fan, I'm a Philadelphia Eagles guy.
(Guy 2 walks up)
Girl 1: And what kind of fan are you?
Guy 2: (pause), I'm an oscillating fan
Girl 1: (silence) ...

Who gets attached to VD?

Coworker #1: I can't stand people who are attached to their Blackberries and BBMs.
Coworker #2: BBMs? What are those?
Coworker #3: Blackberry Messages.
Coworker #4: BBM sounds like a venereal disease.

And my job is to make it rain

On a red line train:

Man to son swinging from pole: "No, Hunter, don't do that, that's Mommy's job."

Marry me!

On the Red Line near Tenleytown

Girl: I'm half Jew, half Aryan, all badass

Men, men, men, manly men, men, men

Construction worker with southern drawl, on speakerphone: Yeah, then we all woke up wearing leotards. Looked like goddamn ballerinas.
Other construction worker: I don't think I'd tell that story.

Starting the week with butt sex

On the platform at the Convention Center Metro stop:
Girl on cell phone: "And he just jammed it up your ass? Damn, bitch, you should have asked for nicer earrings."

Cupcakes are delicious. And that is all.

Girl 1: Are cupcakes carbs?
Girl 2: I don't know. They have flour, and flour's a carb right?
Girl 1: I don't know. It has butter. Is butter a carb?
Girl 3: I thought only bread was a carb.
Girl 2: No. So are things like pasta and rice.
Girl 3: Rice is a carb? I thought rice was a vegetable.
Girl 1: Are you serious?
Girl 3: I've never really thought about it, but if you asked, I would say a vegetable.
Girl 2: No it's definitely a carb.

My second favorite get out the vote strategy

GW (Tuesday before the debate had started), two friends were talking at a table.

Guy 1: Man... debate or class. Debate or class.
Guy 2: You don't know who you're going to vote for yet?
Guy 1: Nope.
Guy 2: Well, if you're still on the fence, then you're a moron and I'd appreciate it if you didn't vote.

Sounds more like he's dressed for a high school dance to us.

To preppily dressed kid in blazer , white button down, and khakis, standing in doorway,
Girl: "You look like you just fell out of Gossip Girl."

Daddy's name is Don Draper.

Liquor Store West End:

Mom with two kids walking into liquor store: "Daddy is going to need this when he gets home"

Not sponsored by Chipotle in any way, though Chipotle . . . if you're listening, we'll take your money!!

Girl on cell: "My grandma is totally addicted....Yeah, every morning she's like 'Go get me Chipotle.'"

--Girl on cell phone, on the 70 bus (with a Chipotle bag)

Darwin Awards material?

Dude 1: Yo, ___ lost his credit card last night, and he left his id at home, he's already on his way here.
Dude 2: Man, that kid is a mess. He really hasn't been the same since he fell off of that car.

-- Ballston

Til death do us part

Leaving the office, two coworkers chatting idly, in the background, a homeless man shouts incoherently while rattling the Express newspaper box:

Coworker #1: Awww... I missed this guy. He hasn't been around for a while.
Coworker #2: Have you been listening to what he's saying?
Homeless man: (incoherent.... then, loudly:) ....so that they can learn the Declaration of Independence! To love and to cherish, to have and to hold..... (mumble, mumble)

On Connecticut Ave NW, between K and L

Everyone's a little bit racist.

Girl: Florida is changing and we haven't even had the Great Schlep yet.
Girl 2: Yeah but i'm talking to my grandma, and she's listening to me, even if she's a little bit racist.

-- 13th and H

No, this is not a paid commercial for the Great Schlep, but if you don't know what we're talking about, watch this:

Let's face it, God hates you

Disheveled and almost falling while walking down escalators to metro at
Gallery Place-Chinatown:

Girl to herself: Why do I and my life suck so much?!