How to Not Get a Job in 10 Days.

McLean Princess: Mom, can't you get me an Executive Assistant position for one of those big lobbying firms?
McLean Queen: Maybe sweetheart...pause...have you posted your resume on (couldn't make it out)?
McLean Princess: Haven't you seen The Devil Wears Prada?
McLean Queen: (some comment again about her resume)
McLean Princess: My resume is very impressive mother. The problem is the right people aren't looking at it.

-- McLean Balducci's

You think we make you laugh? No, we make ourselves laugh.

Eavesdrop worker 1: Awwwwwww.....
Eavesdrop worker 2: You sound like you're looking at puppies.
EW1: (cracking up) No, we just got an eavesdrop from one of my friends.
EW2: You still sounded like you were looking at pictures of puppies.

-- Eavesdrop offices

Hell no H2O! (we're a little ashamed of the Coyote Ugly reference, but only a little)

Guy: We went to the Brickskellar, which is nice except that I don't drink. So I ordered a water and cheesy fries and the waitress looked at me like I had ass-raped Jesus. Plus, I think she spit in the cheesy fries.

--Georgetown

Actually, they're allotropes of carbon mined from volcanic pipes found deep in the Earth, typically in Africa, Canada, India, Russia and Brazil.

A little boy in the Gem Gallery at the Museum of Natural History: "Dad, is it really made out of carrots?" (after his dad had gone through a long-winded explanation of how the Hope Diamond was made)

hey, can we get the name of your strip club?

Girl 1: "Yeah, we're going to this new bar in DC where they do burlesque stuff."
Girl 2: "Good, I'd rather do that ... cause these strippers, they weren't even dancing. They were just getting naked."

-Courthouse Plaza, Arlington

And in the competition for worst pick up line ever, we give you...

Canvasser to cute girl: "You don't need to wear sunglasses. When you wear those sunglasses you are hotter than the sun."

-- 17th Street

Fifty-one Nifty-one United States?

Guy: Miss Puerto Rico won the Miss Universe pageant, huh?
Girl: Oh, so the US won.
Guy: No, Puerto Rico won. The US had its own entrant.
Girl: Wait, I thought Puerto Rico was a state.
Guy: You're joking right?
Girl: Do I sound like I'm joking? Seriously though, it's not?

-- McPherson Square

Want to lose weight? Atkins not working? Try porn!

Woman in her 60's: "When me and my husband want to lose some weight, we just look at pornography. After we look at the pictures, we're not hungry anymore."

-Friendship Heights

Storytime with Eavesdrop DC.

"I was sitting towards the back of the bus. The driver (a black man in his early 30s) is a real a-hole. I've ridden with him before, he's really hard on the brakes, and is a real bitch. He just stopped and let a few people on close to the corner of 29 and Georgia and started to drive off (I mean he just closed the doors and let off the brakes). Then, a dude who looks like Milton from Office Space (same hair, shirt, tie, etc.) came running up and yelling for the bus to stop. The driver accelerated and the guy slapped the side of the bus with his briefcase really hard and yelled, 'Hey motherf--ker! Stop the f--king bus! Bitch!' as the driver accelerated and left the man behind to inhale bus fumes."

-- The Z8 in Silver Spring

Globalization and the City

Guy: Thomas Friedman is the Carrie Bradshaw of foreign policy journalism. Everything gets boiled down into pity little statements that everything fits into. Right? Wrong. Jackass.

-- Foggy Bottom

And, remember, you must sail at a bearing of 325 degrees to escape the island

Guy 1: Hey, you're really into astronomy right?
Guy 2: Yeah.
Guy 1: What direction would I have to look in to see the Northern Lights?

-McPherson Square

Wait, is Dick Cheney in town?

Tourist Man: "Hurry up! It's open season on Pennsylvanians!"

-Father, to many children of his large family crossing a 5 lane street near the mall with only a "walk count" of only 4 seconds

This isn't as funny as it sounds.

Tourist man to family: "Those guys over there. They said they were from Cameroon. That's the only country that speaks English and French... And Canada."

- Bottom of the Washington Monument

Um, this isn't actually an eavesdrop, this is a conversation you had with your sister in law.

Guy to his visiting sister-in-law: "I never thought I'd live here, and when we get weather like this, I wonder why I ever left New Orleans."

- Blue Line near Braddock Road, in a VERY light rain

Real World: Khartoum

Girl: I don't understand that shirt you are always wearing - what's it mean?
Guy (wearing a Save Darfur shirt) starts describing the genocide in Sudan.
Girl: Oh, so I guess it's not an MTV reality show.

--Ballston

If you like a fat bowl so much why don't you marry it?

Guy: I was about to call and cancel meeting up for happy hour. I just got TiVo and seriously all I want to do right now is go home, smoke a fat bowl and watch Pee-Wee's Playhouse.

-- The Pour House

But is it kinkier than that Jewish guy running for governor of Texas?

Guy: Please, my hair is kinkier than a gay S&M convention.

-- Georgetown

Chancho, when you are a man, sometimes you wear stretchy pants in your room... Just for fun.

Not very attractive girl 1: Oh I totally love your shirt.
Not very attractive girl 2: Oh yeah, I'm wearing it because I'm going to see ____ tonight.
NVAG1: Oh, you don't have to worry- you could show up in a full body suit and a mask and he'd still be totally into you.
NVAG3: Yeah totally. You could show up in a sack, a potato sack and he'd be all about you.

-- Washington Circle

To know us is to loves us. Happy 200th post Eavesdropdc!

Girl: I don't want to be someone's catch phrase when it says 'fuck you' in it.
Guy: Twice.

-- Eavesdropdc offices

Yeah, but are they hotter than my imaginary girlfriend?

Guy #1, at bar drinking alone.

Guy 2: Hi, see my friends over there? The girls?
Guy 1: Umm... yeah.
Guy 2: They think you are cute. Depending on how much you drink, they're 5's and 6's.
Guy 1: Ummm... I'm here with my girlfriend.

-- Play Nakid Kickball happy hour

If this was Eavesdrop West Virginia, she could be both.

30 something construction worker showing other 30-something construction worker photos from walling:

Construction worker #1: Yo man, is that your wife, or your daughter?
Construction worker #2: gives confused look

(note from contributor, "it's funny because they're young.")

-- Old Georgetown Road, Bethesda

But I thought the cheese section is where it's at.

Woman: "After work sometimes I go to Whole Foods and just look through the frozen food aisle... and the other day I was thinking, this would be a great place to meet men! Just a bunch of yuppie over-worked men and me."

-- Wisconsin Avenue, Tenleytown

Come back from the dark side

Girl to guy, at airport bar with Ann Coulter's Godless in front of her:
"I mean, I vote Republican and everything, but she's a little crazy"
[small talk about Ann Coulter continues]
"Well, I had to get the book because my sister is starting to turn liberal, so I needed to have some things to say to her."

-Atlanta airport bar with crowd of people waiting for their flight to DC

Ooh, do they make watermelon flavored cocaine?

Girl: You would never snort coke off of a stripper's back!
Guy: Yeah, you're right. How about a pixie stick then?

-- West End

You have macked 400 pounds of this chick, but you can only bring 110 back to your apartment.

Dude to friends: I've fucked buffalos but there's never any evidence of it.

-- Bailey's

Jan, for tattling on your brother, you've earned a day in the chamber of fire.

[Short Middle-Aged Man and Tall Middle-Aged Man shove onto crowded metro car as doors are closing. Continue jockeying for space as train moves.]

Tall Guy: "There's no need to compensate for being short by being rude."
Short Guy: "If you say one more word to me, you're gonna be sorry!"

[Both get off to "tattle" to train conductor at next stop]

-Orange Line

And for our next trick, we'll show you how to use your metrocard.

Tourist woman to tourist husband: (Taking pictures of commuters on the metro) "Look how they're crowding, these people ride the metro EVERY DAY. Honey, can you believe it??"

-- Orange Line

That probably starts to smell after awhile.

Girl: That bitch! She gets under my skin and dies there!

--Foggy Bottom