Finals must have been getting to them.

group of students: "we will pinch your nipples 'til they are red and bleeding"

--GW campus, before break

dum dum dumb

Female 1: "Is Buenos Aires the one with the huge Jesus piece?"

Female 2: "That is RIO in Brazil."

Female 1: "Oh my bad, whatever part of Mexico!"

--Judiciary Square

I hope it enhances your holiday spirit.

TSA agent: "Next victim, please."

Chirpy traveler: "Hiiii!"

TSA agent: "No, but I wish I was."

traveler: laughs nervously

--(Reagan? Dulles? BWI?) airport security, before Christmas

OMG Becky . . .

Two 20-something girls walk by two sketchy characters in a car:

Guys: HEY, CHRISTINA!

Girl 1 &2: Huh?

Guys: YA GOT NO ASS!

Girl 1: I’m white… what do you want from me?

--H street between 22nd and 23rd on GW Campus

Turns out that Theodore is Keyser Soze

A gaggle of teenagers is heading toward the theater.

Girl: Hurry up!
Guy: It's not like we're missing major plot points -- it's the fucking
Chipmunks!

Outside Regal Cinemas
Bethesda

Can it be both?

Buxom birthday girl: "I mean, I have drank a beer out of my own cleavage. Is that cool? Or weird?"

--Rumors

Scratchandwinnakuh?

Guy: I used to have a Jewish girlfriend and it was great - I'd get to celebrate all the holidays with her family. My favorite was the one where the dad hid lottery tickets around the house.

--Adams Morgan

Clark Griswold would agree with you.

Dude getting off the bus: "Have a happy holiday. If you don't, it's your own fault."

--53 bus in Logan Circle

Good luck on those exams.

College Girl 1: The most random stuff has been happening to me.

College Girl 2: Like what?

College Girl 1: I don't know.

--Catholic University

Wait til you hear what he thinks a spatula is used for.

Guy 1: "So I need to know what kind of kitchenware you have, so I know what I'll need to bring if you don't have it. Like, do you have a thirteen-by-nine?"

Guy 2: "What? Do I have..." [gestures vaguely toward crotch]

Guy 1: "Yes. Yes. I'm volunteering to cook Christmas dinner at your house, so of course I would need to know how big your dick is."

-- 14th Street NW

I'm getting visions of sugarplums and the spins

Guy: I gotta start drinking early, 'cus no one likes a sober Santa

--Adams Morgan

I'm 100% love machine.

Suit 1: "I think we're about 75% men here."

Suit 2: "Speak for yourself."

-Columbia Square

Even EavesdropDC got a little farklempt

Although EavesdropDC is usually cynical (and sarcastic, and sometimes mean), and even though this isn't an eavesdrop, we wanted to share a good deed witnessed this morning.

Scene: A business man with 15 or so cups of Starbucks coffee and bagels distributing them to all of the homeless men in front of the West End library.

Good job, DC! You got us all choked up.

If you have to ask that question, the answer is probably yes.

A group of late 30s men were talking to each other and one posed the following question:

"But does it lower your sperm count?"

--Unlimited Sunshine Tour, DAR Constitution Hall

You and me both, man.

Guy in line for ATM: "Man, I'm bilingual. I'm fluent in Ebonics and bullshit!"

--Bank of America, Capitol Hill

That statue in the middle of Dupont Circle is more invested than she is.

Girl 1 to friend: "I'm just concerned because I feel that I am more invested in Britney's comeback than she is..."

--Dupont Circle

You mean that there are people out there NOT into those things?!

15th and Rhode Island on Sunday at around 2:30 p.m. A guy was talking to two women

"I mean if you are into girl on girl jello wrestling and, you know, beer..."

Happy Chrismukkah!

Guy 1:"Yo, I've had more people in my lap than Santa Claus, and this guy was the best. I'm calling him tomorrow."

Guy 2: "Dude. That's SO not kosher"

Guy 1: "I KNOW!"

--Red Line, near Dupont Circle

Ticket in the gate. Not as good as Dick in a box, but I could see JT rapping to it.

6 PM at the exit gates of Clarendon Metro Station:

Bewildered woman: "Excuse me, can I ask you a really dumb question? How do I get out of here?"

Man: "Um, you mean the station?"

Woman: "yes"

Man: "you go up that escalator up there."

Woman: "No, I mean like how do I get out of right here?"

Man: "Uh, remember how you got in with a ticket?"

Woman: "yeah"

Man: "put the ticket in the gate."

And all the tourists will wonder why that plant died.

Overheard in an Alexandria cardiologist's waiting area, as the receptionist crew talked death and funeral arrangements:

"I've already got it arranged with my family. They're going to dump my ashes into a planter down on the Mall, near the Smithsonian, so I can watch people and cars and shit."

Whoa whoa whoa . . . did we miss a news bulletin here?

Late 20something Female Suit: "Why is it that fun things always end up being bad for you? First mercury, then cigarettes, and now sex!"

-Farragut

For DC's sake, we hope the eavesdropper made this one up.

Girl: "Is that leopard print? That is so trashy."
Guy: "No, that's an actual leopard."

--At the National Zoo

Do they come in special flavors now?

Professional woman to another woman: "I'm going to live vicariously through you, because my life revolves around regular-flavored boogies right now."

Next year is totally going to be our emotional year.

Office worker : "I need to know if we have any outstanding invoices because it's the end of our physical year."

--somewhere in DC (don't forget to send in your location with your eavesdrops!)

Better than iheartdickcheney.

Co-worker 1: Hey, what should my new password be?
Co-worker 2: Well, you could use my old one, nympho81.
Co-worker1: What?!

-- 20th and Penn

I know you are, but what am I?

Four drunk guys discussing percentages.

"You guys are idiots. What kind of math camp did you go to? 1 in 20 is totally 20%!"

--Red Line Metro

My buddy Phil might be the hairiest man alive.

Loud 40-something man: "I'm Italian. I'm like a monkey from the waist down. Sometimes I shave my legs."

--Georgetown Circulator