They're not even a real country anyway.

Overheard while walking by the Newseum as a group of rowdy middle school kids were exiting from a tour.

Kid 1: Look it's Canada! (Takes off from group and runs over to the Canadian Embassy, runs up stairs, gets to the top and throws open arms wide.)

"Blaaaaaame Canada!"

Kids in class go wild and start chanting "Blame Canada, Blame Canada, Blame Canada."

This job sounds pretty legen . . . wait for it . . . and I hope you're not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is DAIRY!

Overheard in a certain library on the Hill.

Early-20-something researcher to late-20-something editor:
"You know, the hours [a certain library on the Hill] pays you while you watch bootleg movies and episodes of "How I Met You Mother" is basically your share of the stimulus plan."

Do you know something Jay-z doesn't?

"Beyonce is kind of like the black Kanye."

--Bailey's Crossroads

Can we use this strategy as our new foreign policy?

A national intelligence agency meeting, discussing inter-bureaucratic strategies:

"Let's dribble a little urine here and there in her new empire, so we can mark out our own territory."

Are you thinking of the Confederacy?

Overheard on the orange line this morning near the Courthouse stop. A dad was talking to his high school age daughter:

Daughter: Waaaait! You mean the capital isn't in Virginia?

Dad: No, it's in D.C. It's a separate district.

Daughter: Whaaaaaaaaaat?! That's crazy. Like it's own 51st state?

Dad: They wish.

Daughter: Whaaaaaat?!

Overhead by: She was way to old not to know that

50Gs and you can have this chick as your classmate!

Blonde, rich, republican: "What's emancipation day? Is that a some holiday Barack declared? Barack our lord and savior?"

--in a GW class

Sent in by: Why do I pay $50 grand to go here?

You need to head to the Mall

Dupont Circle.

13-year-old tourist girl, whining: Is there a Hot Topic near here? ....or a WalMart?

Your whats what?

Walking at 14/F at Metro Center on St. Patty's day

A blonde and a brunette leave an office building wearing green.

Brunette says to Blonde: "My baaaaaaalls hurt!!!"

Blonde looks suspiciously at brunette and yelps: "What!?!"

Brunette to Blonde: "The balls of my feet."

And then the Brunette struts away in her green shoes looking very proud.

Truth or Dare!

2 approximately 19-year old boys riding the Red line to Catholic University:

Guy #1: Yeah, a tattoo has to be tasteful.
Guy #2: I want to get a tattoo just to test my dad. Yeah, I dare you, Dad, I f***ing dare you to not pay for my college education.

Wait - was the girl Stephanie Tanner?

I overheard a tourist say this while walking behind me last spring while my friends and I were walking on the Mall.

Girl: *points to Washington monument* Um, so like, is that where the President lives?

Mom: Uh, I don't think...so...maybe?

Girl: It's big and white, so it has to be the White House.

Me: Actually, that's the Washington Monument.

Girl: But I thought his name was Bush...does the W stand for Washington? Why would they call the White House the Washington Monument if the guy who lives there isn't named Washington?

Me: NO. President Bush lives in the White House--two streets over and a few blocks down. This is the Washington Monument. It's a memorial to our first president, George Washington. No one lives there. It's not a house.

Girl: That doesn't make sense. People in DC are sooooo ruuuuuude!!

New position next time?

Overheard on Capitol Hill:

"I was watching some bumble bees having sex for a while today... She didn't look that into it."

I can has a home?

Waiting outside kstreet lounge:

Homeless man: Wanna donate to UNCF?
20-something: What's UNCF?
Homeless man: United Negro Cheeseburger Fund!

Look at them gleam!

On a yellow line train between pentagon city and crystal city, a young boy asked himself outloud: "Do you know why they call it Crystal City? Because all the toilets are shiny."

The Mall, obviously

At Cosi at 17th and Penn, I overheard 3 suits talking and one says:
"Me and my friends always discuss- Where would you go if there was a zombie attack?"